Profile: Monica

I was introduced to Monica twenty-two years ago when she came over to my Dad's house for Brian's graduation party. I happy to say that even after all those years, including her marriage and divorce from my brother, Monica remains part of my family.

I was a bit leery of Mona when I first met her. Maybe it was jealousy, after all she was demanding an awful lot of time from my brother. I knew that he was going off to college in the Fall and while I would never admit, I wasn't altogether happy about him leaving. When she came around I lost some of the valuable time I had always been able to spend with Brian. Nevertheless there wasn't a whole lot I could do about it.

Over the next year I got to know Monica a lot better. In fact, she became quite the fixture in our lives when she became pregnant with Brandon and moved in to our house. I really enjoyed having her around. I still remember one particular moment that I got to spend with Mona. She had decided to run up to Ann Arbor to see Brian for some reason and asked if I wanted to go with her. I decided to and am really happy I did. I learned that Monica was a very complex and emotional person, that her love for Brian was very genuine. I remember as we drove off exit 172 in Ann Arbor the song "Missing You" coming on the radio and it being her favorite song, singing it with Monica. I felt a real connection with her then, one that I still feel today.

Monica has been around my family since those early days, first living with us, then living in close proximity as she and Brian purchased a house a mere two blocks from my parents. I've always been happy about their decision to do that. It made it possible for me to remain close to my brother, Brandon and Monica. I still like going over and visiting her when we come in to town.

Monica is a good person. She has not had it easy, yet she has persevered through some tough times, and done so with incredible resiliency. She is incredibly forgiving, incredibly loving (and it shows in how she interacts with her son), and very determined.

It is weird the effect some people have on you, like there are certain situations that effect you. My kids are the most important people in my life. I like sharing them with others. I love seeing my mom hold Balin, or Kevin talking with Grace about school. Then there is Monica. I can't really explain it, but I can't think of another person I would rather have spending time with Gracie and Balin. It is strange, but I feel compelled to bring my children to her, to show them off to her, to have them interact with her. I feel good when she is holding one of them, or speaking to them, or playing with them. I can't explain it. Maybe it's because Monica is so good around kids. I don't think so. I think it is just the fact that Monica is a safe person, one that I know would throw herself in front of a bus for my kids. She is the perfect aunt, one I would love for my kids to grow up around. If something was to happen to my family and there was no one of direct relation to care for my kids, I would want Monica to take them. One thing that I can assure you about her: she is a wonderful mother who blankets her family in love. That is important to me and I believe one of the reasons I feel such a strong connection to her.

I don't get to see Mona very much these days. I was lucky enough a couple ot years ago to have her come down to our new house and stay with us for a weekend. I enjoyed that time. We were able to talk and relax around each other again. I remember running down to the local coffee shop and getting a cappachino on a cold fall evening. We sat at home on the couch, our feet propped up talking late into the night. I tried to explain to Brandon the importance of his schooling and working towards accomplishing a personal goal in life. Monica thanked me for talking to him and that meant a lot to me. I've always felt that I could be both candid and comfortable around Mona. She makes me feel welcome in a conversation and shares with me a kinship that goes beyond that of just being an in-law or ex-in-law as this is. Regardless of what Monica's and my relationship is, I will always hold her dear to me. Our relationship may be called something else, but to me Monica will always be a sister, one that I can rely on, can talk to and can be proud to have in my family.

Profile: Bill Hill

Let me let this sink in for a moment: I've known Bill Hill for twenty-five years now. Twenty-five. That hardly seems possible. Where do I begin with this profile?

Bill has been around me for a long time and during this period has seemingly reinvented himself over and over again. He has always been a good guy, but over the years he has become someone that I admire beyond most people.

First off, my dad, Jerry is a good person who I look up to. I'll get to his profile later, but I say this because I think it is important to point out that while my parents were divorced and I only saw my dad every other weekend growing up, he did everything he could to raise me in our limited time together. That said, Bill stepped in, particularing in my later years (high school and beyond) and taught me how to be a man. An incredible amount of credit should go to him for that. While he faced a great deal of his own issues, Bill has always presented to me a figure who could be emulated. He has always been someone who treated other people the way they deserved to be treated, and that is with respect until they prove themself otherwise.

Bill has always been fairly quiet, usually taking a secondary role to my mom, but he does so with purpose. When he does speak he does so with a wisdom born from a difficult life with a world of experience. I treasure his conversations and his words to me have always held a tremendous value.

I met Bill when I was 14 years old, just moving back to Jackson from Texas. I had no idea who the guy my mom was with was, but he was easy to like from the get go. He was full of adventurous stories and I fed off of what he had to say. We was a man that seemed to have been born from the earth and introduced me to experiences that I doubt I would have had an opportunity to enjoy. I remember going out mushroom hunting on cool spring mornings and the taste of them later in the day when he would fry them up. I remember how cool and calm he remained when I cut my throat open on a barbed wire fence while riding a bicycle. He told me later on that he was very worried that I had cut my juglar vein, but even through that he displayed a calmness that serves as an example to me even today. I remember him coming to pick me at school and him and my mom telling me that my dog Jackson had been killed by a car. I know that it hurt him to tell me, that it hurt him to take care of Jackson's remains before I got home, but he has always been a stoic figure that would offer any support he ever could and never let emotion get the best of him. That is he never would except once...

I have a lot of things to be proud of in my life. I've done well for myself. I've got a great family, beautiful children. But the day I was able to bring Tammy and Bill together after such a long time stands out as one of the best things I've ever been able to do for another person.

I was in Junior Acheivement while a freshman at Western H.S. Each week I would go down to the JA building on Mechanic St. in downtown Jackson for weekly meetings. Bill and Mom would always take me down there and typically both would come to pick me up. In J.A. you sell stock to get seed money for a company that each group created. With this money you would buy materials, build a product and sell it with the profits getting returned to the stock holders at the end of the year.

My first year I had 5 stock certificates to sell and sold one of them to Bill. It just so happens that Bill's daughter, Tammy was one of the officers in our company and saw Bill's name on the stock. She hadn't seen her dad in Lord knows how long, eight years maybe? Anyway, she asked me if I saw Bill very often and I told her that he was picking me up that night. I told Tammy that I would happily introduce her to him later that night.

When our meeting was over Tammy and I went outside and I told Bill I wanted to introduce him to someone. He got out of the car and I simply told him, "Bill, this is your daughter Tammy." I remember how he immediately hugged her and just held on to her crying. It was the first time I saw such an incredible amount of emotion from him. It also showed me that a father's love for his child never wanes, that regardless of distance, or time, it is always there. I remember feeling so jubilant that day. Even today I remember that night and rejoice in the fact that I was in the right place at the right time. I can't say that I learned this just from him, as my mom has had a huge say in how I treat my kids, but I will say that he has provided reason for me to tell my kids I love them everyday, to show them affection that they will grow with and take with them into adulthood.

Bill has made plenty of mistakes through his life, but with those mistakes have come lessons that I have learned. I know how addiction can take you over and how much fight it takes to overcome it. I have learned that when things get bad, you never, ever give up. Bill has had terrible accidents which he has come back from. He has faced financial issues that would buckle the willpower of other men. He has been afflicted with cancer, and even when he stood on death's door he fought it and came back from it. I have no doubt that Bill Hill is by far the strongest man I have ever had the pleasure to have known.

While I have learned a lot from him, there is one thing about Bill that I value more than anything. I value the companionship is has brought my mom. My mom is a very strong person, I think she has proved that when I was just a little kid. Yet my mom is a person that needs, no, deserves a compliment to her. Bill is that compliment. I learned that in Bill my mom has found a perfect match. God paired my mom with Bill there is no doubt in my mind. The diversity that each of them has had to face is testament to this fact, yet through all the turmoil, all the difficulty both have endured, they have found one another and found a love that serves as an example to all couples. They don't have a story like Romeo and Juliet, yet their love is a epic as any found in literature. They are a matched pair that fit perfectly together and everytime I see them together it brings a happiness to me that I can't explain. I've seen times in my mom's life when she has been steeped in misery and the gift of companionship that Bill has given to her means so much to me.

I said in an earlier post that Brian, my brother, is my best friend, yet that friendship is born from growing up together. My friendship with Bill is so different, yet so much stronger than even that between my brother and I. Bill has done more than just offered his friendship, he took upon him a duty to help my mother raise me to be the man I am today. How could I ever think to repay him for this?

I'll finish by saying that when Bill was sick with pneumonia, not long after his cancer surgery we came up from Indiana for a summer get together. Bill was in pretty bad shape. He didn't even know that we were there, let alone know who we were. I don't think I have ever told him, or my mom this, but I went in the house while Bill was sitting in his chair. I wasn't sure if he was asleep or not, but I sat down to talk to him. I remember telling him that he needed to get better, that he needed to eat something, to stop losing weight. I remember how horrible I felt, thinking that I was talking to my friend for the last time. I felt so helpless, seeing him so sick. I remember crying as I held his hand, begging him to get better, to heal so he could be there for me. It was so selfish of me to think of myself like that. I knew that in that moment my love for Bill was as strong as that which any child could have for his father. Needless to say I thank God for what he has done, for bringing Bill back when he had been so far gone.

Bill, all I am going to say in closing is that I appreciate you beyond what even these words can convey. Thank you for everything you have done for me, you have shown me, and you have taught me. I would not have become the man I have become had it not been for you. You forever have my love and respect.

Profile: Mike Kapp

This is the third is a continuing series of profiles of friends and family who I feel have had a significant impact on my life. This time I'll be taking a look at my cousin, Michael Kapp.

I really don't know what it is about my cousin Mike that has made him such an important person in my development. We were never particularly close. We weren't necessarily close in age and we lived far enough apart that I really didn't get much of a chance to see him that often. That said, he is still incredibly influencial and holds a great deal of significance to me.

I'm not sure how much older than me Michael is. If I had to guess I would say he is likely 8 to 10 years my elder. I remember for a very short time staying with my Aunt Mary up in Lansing when I was young. My mom was sick and in the hospital and my aunt had offered to watch my brothers and I while she recovered. Michael became a good friend to me then. I don't understand why, I was just a little kid. He wasn't necessarily into the toys that at that particular age I was interested in, yet I vaguely remember sitting on the floor of his bedroom, right off the living area, looking through his book shelf. I wasn't into reading yet (as far as I can remember) but I recall one book on his shelf that had a great deal of cartoon drawings. I remember it was one of my favorite things to do, to go in to his room and sit on the floor at that bookcase thumbing through that book. He wouldn't say much, or maybe he did, I don't recall, but just being in the same room made me feel better about where I was, what I was doing there and more comfortable in those foreign surroundings. I don't know why this memory is so clear to me, or had such a lasting imprint on me, but it did.

As I grew older I watched Michael's successes. I've seen him get married to a wonderful woman who is warm and charming, easy to talk to, and always comfortable to be around. She echoes the type of person Mike is. He also has three beautiful little girls whom I know he cherishes.

I adopted Megan years ago, and by doing so I feel as if I have cemented a bond between Mike and myself, him being an adoptive parent as well. Again, I don't know why, but that makes me feel good, as if I share a fraternal bond with my cousin.

I have always looked up to Michael, envied him for the successes he has had, even attempted to emulate him. My interest in politics has no source, but of all those I have associated with, Mike, and his brother Rick seem to be the only people that come to mind when I try to associate my interest in the subject with anyone. Maybe it was the media that peeked my interest, maybe it was something entirely different, regardless he has made the subject intriguing and brought a great deal of attention to the subject for me to explore.

I'm not sure what Michael does as far as a job, but to me he is the epitome of success. He works for the State of Michigan in some capacity and to this point has been the bar to which I judge myself. This may sound hokey, but I seriously do measure my contributions to my field based simply on what I know about Mike and his career. His successes have driven me, have inspired me, and constantly remind me of how important not only my job, but my education is. Even to this day I want to continue with school, to keep going, to get that elusive masters degree, to progress forward and acheive a PhD.

Michael has always been easy for me to talk to. He has a charisma that draws me to him. I could sit there and talk all day with him about work, politics, family, travel; you name it. He is such an endearing individual. Even as a high school student Michael would treat me in a manor that made me feel much more mature than I actually was at the time. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say that he is a person that listens, he wants to hear what I have to say and he takes the time to process and react to those things, not just brush them off as worthless drivel. He makes the person he is speaking with seem important and their words valuable.

I have a lot of cousins, in fact it would be difficult to think of all of them. Mike, however is the one that immediately comes to mind when I think of all my extended family.

My greatest regret regarding my family is my inability to be closer to the ones that mean the most to me. Some would argue that Mike was one of the people I associated with the least while I was growing up. To me that is the biggest shame because even that short amount of interaction we have had, I have found a common bond with him, a bond that has helped shape who I am, given me goals to shoot for and developed a sense of what a good man, a good father and a good person I should be.

Profile: Sheri Bleam

This is the second in a series of posts I am making about the family and friends who have influenced my life. As I mentioned previously, a life is not wholly shaped by the individuals living it, but instead by the people who surround them. While family is incredibly imprtant, so are those people you call friends...

I started college at Adrian in the autumn of 1986. I was immediately smitten by the campus, by the people and as I learned on my very first day, the professors. I went to Adrian with the intention of becoming a lawyer. I had talked to the political science department chair and decided immediately that Poli Sci was going to be my major.

As part of the core requirements at just about any school, you have to take at least one semester of speech. I had been a speechy in high school and had no problem signing up for COM102. I could have chosen a variety of professors, but the day I made my selection is in retrospect one of the best decisions I've ever made.

Dr. Bleam was very young as far as professors go, the first time I met her. I would have to guess (please forgive me if I mangle your age Sheri) she was in her early thirties. That said, she was, and continues to be, an individual that when she teaches, commands respect. Now don't get me wrong, she doesn't come across as tyranical. Far from it. Even in lecture she is warm and endearing, funny and approachable. She is terrifyingly intelligent and it shows, yet she makes you feel comfortable and I immediately found a home.

It didn't take me long to fall in love with communication. The next semester, much to the chagrin of my department head, I changed majors. I also began working for Sheri in the forensic union. This entailed putting things together for Dr. Bleam, sorting, stapling, or just sitting around prepping for a debate.

For one semester at Adrian (maybe it was two) I was one the speech team. I came in with a huge chip on my shoulder because I had been so successful in high school speech. I learned a lesson in short order. Dr. Bleam is basically a professor of debate and was able to point out my flaws immediately. Wow, was I humbled. Dr. Bleam not only taught me how to debate correctly, but she taught me new ways of thinking about debate from a purely theoretical perspective. She also taught me a debate style different from the standard NDT (National Debate Topic). the style was called CEDA, or value debate. From this I learned that you could take a stance on a topic from a moralistic position and defend yourself based on pure argumentation rather than relying on hard copy evidence cards to support your position. It wass about taking argumentation to it's purest from and using the beauty of persuasion to make you point. What a valuable tool she gave me!

Sheri and I had a student/mentor relationship from the word go. As part of the forensic union we had social gatherings that allowed us to become friends with others in the department. Through Sheri I met my friends Sue Hobe, Connie Abdala, and Sherry Phillips who as upper classmen helped me enjoy college away from class, particularly on Friday nights when we would gather in one of our rooms and watch movies and partake in refreshments otherwise off limits to college freshmen.

My sophomore year I was given the enviable opportunity of debating Sheri and Dr. George Aichele in front of a significantly large crowd. This was my most intense speaking opportunity I have ever been given. To even be on the same podium with two PhDs is a huge honor. I was a bit intimidated but gave it the old college try. I wish my parents could have been there to hear me speak. I was so proud that out of all the students on campus, many who had passed through both Sheri's and Dr. Aichele's class, that I had been chosen for this honor. It remains today a highlight of my college career.

Dr. Bleam was more than just a professor. She was, and continues to be my friend and mentor. I now coach a high school debate team here in Fort Wayne and constantly reflect back on what I was taught. I also write to Sheri on occasion to vent my frustrations or ask for advice. She has been intrigal in my successes as a coach, including sending a team to the National Tournament in Houston, Texas in my first year coaching.

Sheri is a cool person outside of the classroom. When I ran into some personal issues she was the ear that would listen and not judge as well as the shoulder to cry on. I remember one time I had pulled a groin muscle playing football and went to class one morning. As I sat there the muscle tightened and completely incapacitated me. I was in the basement of Mahan Hall and couldn't make it up the stairs. Sheri came out of her office and allowing me to lean on her, helped me hop up the stairs. She then went to the health center and got me crutches so I could get around. I really appreciated that gesture. It meant a lot to me.

Sheri never buckled to the perceived norm of her profession. She was a geek like the rest of us, loving Star Trek, Dungeons and Dragons and fantasy literature. She still loves hose things today and in a touching note of compassion, went to see the Lord of the Rings movies twice, once for her, and once for our fallen friend Mike Pyorala, whom she found a kinship.

I had a great opportunity to introduce Megan to Dr. Bleam one time. I took Megan to Adrian to tour the campus and Dr. Bleam joined us for lunch. I wished Megan would have chose to go to Adrian, just so she could share the company with my friend, who without asking would keep a close eye on my daughter without betraying a friendship amongst the two women which I had hoped would grow. Megan made a different choice, but I was happy she got to meet my friend.

Dr. Bleam is still at Adrian. I still call her, or email her. More than anything however, I still remember something she told me about 20 years ago. She had said that the world was full of smart, intelligent, innovative people. There was however a difference between being smart and being a scholar. Scholars are a rare breed who look at information and thrive on learning itself. They find a passion in their chosen field and make it a priority in their life. She then told me that I was a scholar. That is the biggest compliment I have ever received or ever will. While my schooling as stalled, and I may never make it back, I have never given up my passion for learning, and studying and becoming better, more knowledgable. I give complete credit to Dr. Bleam who fostered in me a passion that I only knew I had because I chose to emulate her. She is my mentor and my friend and I can hope to ever convince everyone of the impact she's had on my life.

Family Profile: Brian

Okay, I've been trying to think of some new features to add to my blog. I got to thinking, these are supposed to be the stories of my life. What characters are the most important co-stars in my life? Well, that would be my family and friends. In fact, I can't think of anyone I would rather write about than those who have shaped my life. So, without further ado, here is my first family and friends profile.

Brian is my older brother, but beyond that he is one of the greatest shapers I've had in my life. I look back and while we didn't have the easiest situation growing up, Brian and I definitely made the best out of it. When we were young we did basically everything together. Oh, do I have stories. I will share a few of them with you.

When Brian and I were about 12 or 13 we had an obsession with baseball cards. For two years, 1980 and 1981 our appetite for them were insatiable. I remember on Sunday nights when Mom and Vern were away we would sneak in to their room where they had a big coffee can of change. It didn't seem like a lot, but we would snatch a couple of dollars (each pack was 35 cents) and one of us would make the party store run. We would hop on our bike and through a small hole in a fence venture out on to I94, riding down the steep hill of the exit to get to the party store. We would get our packs of baseball cards then pedaling against the traffic of 94, make our way back home. If by chance we decided to walk instead of taking the bikes, we would run across the expressway's 4 lanes, climbing over the wall in the median so we could get across and get our cards. We should have been killed, multiple times.

Brian has always been my best friend. I was so honored to be his best man at his wedding and to have him as mine at my wedding. I wish I could have been more cognizant when he tied the knot. I was going through a very miserable time in my life and hated myself and my life. He was however a beacon of light and helped me get through that period, not only with his friendship, but just his companionship. He allowed me to join his circle of friends and include me in his activities and that meant a lot.

We've always done things together. I remember in Texas we had an obsession with weapons and fighting. We used whatever materials we could to make things that we could use to kill each other. I had a favorite axe handle that I drove nails through that I liked to fight with. He made shurikens cut from aluminum that he would use to practice with. This continued as we made bigger and badder items. One day we geared up and went hunting snakes in the woods around where we lived. We weren't just hunting mundane non-poisonous species, but deadly copper heads. At somewhere around 80 pounds had I been bitten I probably would have died. I still remember the joy of walking into the neighborhood with one of our vanquished foes draped over the end of a long stick that served as one of our man made weapons. We should have been killed with that little escapade.

Brian has taught me a lot. He has challenged me with arguments. I remember constantly arguing politics and issues of the day with him while in high school. He made me think. I was always so envious of him because he got great grades in school with little effort while I struggled. He gave me something to shoot for though. He also introduced me to college. I got to visit him at U of M and loved the environment. Granted, he didn't go the whole four years, but the fact that he was the first from my immediate extended family to go made me want to be successful all the more. I remember going to Ann Arbor to visit him and just the passion he felt for the atmosphere. It was contagious and made me excited about college. I remember I raised my senior year GPA up from somewhere around 2.2 all the way to 3.46. I really believe Brian should be given much of that credit.

I've always been really proud of my brother. Like I said earlier, he is incredibly smart, much smarter than me. He has also done some things that has made me proud. His short stint in the military is still a story I like to tell. I brag about how well he did on his crypto test over in Detroit. I am inspired by how he took a job working in a lumberyard to where he is now. He learned all of that stuff through force of will and is now recognize for his brilliance in the building industry. That is incredible and makes me proud to be his brother.

I remember when we were kids playing games together. These games continue to influence my life. We would make up our own games, and wile away hours of our time sitting at an old rusty table outside on the covered patio of our trailer playing. Later in life we would have the pop up camper covered in books, dice and papers as our summers were spent playing role-playing games in the heat of the day and late into the night. Those were some good times.

Brian was fun to hang out with as a kid, even if he got tired of me following him around. I really don't think he minded it though. I have fond memories of laying on the bottom bunk of our bed, him on the top bunk, listening to the radio on a Sunday night, talking about the songs as they played. Occasionally mom would yell in to be quiet and go to sleep and we would continue whispering late into the night.

Now I live in Indiana, far away from my family and my brother. We don't talk much, and I miss that. When I do make it up to Michigan I don't see much of my brother, maybe a few hours here and there. If there is one thing I can regret, it's that. I would love to be more involved with him, and the rest of my family, but I can't leave this place. I just want everyone to know that my love for my brother extends beyond the familial bond and goes deep into my appreciation of our friendship. I know that this is reciprocated simply because after nearly 40 years, I know my brother.

Thank you for introducing me to many of my life long joys. I love the books you've introduced me to. I love the games we've played and shared together. I've learned from the lessons you've taught me and the point of view you've taken on issues. Our paths may have diverged, but my memories are still born from the time we spent growing up and for that I will always have a life long appreciation.