Well, the thing I prayed wouldn't happen did today. As I was getting ready to leave the plant manager called me into his office and told me that my job was being eliminated due to the financial crush that is occurring in the automotive industry throughout the country.
I'm numb. That's about the best way to describe it. I really don't know what I am going to to. I almost feel a panic is starting to set in but then I manage to quell it. I'm worried about my family, my house. I'm worried that Christmas is going to be a disaster. I worry about finding a job because frankly there isn't a whole lot around here. Money is so tight with us that I need something that pays comparable to what I was making at the foundry. I worry about getting sick, because truthfully I can't afford Cobra. It is just way too expensive for the whole family.
I worry about Megan. She is reliant on my insurance right now. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Tomorrow is my official last day. I'm going to go in for a couple of hours, then head over to our corporate office to say goodbye to everyone. I doubt I will really get anything done. That said, I'm not one to slough my responsibilities. I'll go in and get the stuff done I need to get done, then I'll leave. That's it. A culmination of 12 years of service, reduce to a severance package of 6 days owed to me due to having vacation time remaining.
Wish me luck, pray for me, cut the head off a chicken and sacrifice it to the god of employment. Whatever it takes to get me back working, I need all the help I can get.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wyatt Klinker Section 12
Well, things are looking a little less bleak here at work. I'm still not out of the woods, and I may still lose my job in two days when the layoffs are announced, but I'm feeling more confident that it won't be me. Call it a gut feeling, but there are just things happening that lead me to believe that I'm not going anywhere.
On the home front, things are going okay. Gracie is in a weird kind of funk and I don't know what to do with it, other than shower her with attention. She acts bored all the time and mopes around. I've tried to do more things with her. Last night I taught her how to play a dice game and she really enjoyed that. I will also try reading to her more. I want her to be the sweet little happy girl I know and love, not the depressing one she's been the last couple of weeks.
Last weekend's trip to Libby-Lu's was a good one. In case you didn't know, Libby-Lu's is a little girl store where they do the hair and makeup for girls then give them little trinkets to complete the look. Grace and her friend Autumn got the rock star look including head phones and glitter in their hair. They looked cute. She was really excited and had a great time. Libby-Lu's is closing for good after the first of the year, so hopefully we can get her back one more time before they do.
On the Wyatt front, I've done absolutely nothing. I need to work on the editing so I can get the thing turned in to the printer. I'm just a bit burned out, plus this whole deal at work has kept me on edge. Hopefully soon.
I am also tearing through ideas for my next book. I'm playing with one right now, but want to get a good outline before I start. It should be fun. I'm excited about starting but don't want to until I'm ready. It's all about planning for this one.
Okay,almost done with Wyatt's story. I am posting chapter 13 today out of a total of 17 plus the Epilogue. Hopefully by next week I will have run all the chapters by you and I can get the final feedback. Until then, thanks for reading.
CHAPTER 13: DISAPPOINTMENT
Wyatt started the next morning off with another early breakfast, sharing a table with Dr. Swanson and breaking down what they each had planned for the day. Wyatt had originally thought about asking the older man if he wanted company for a second day, but thought better, figuring that the professor would make good on his promise to tag along with someone else today. Besides, Wyatt had told Alex that he would hang out with her today. That hadn’t prevented him from asking Kyle, Mike, Chuck and a few other people from the class to go with them though.
He had it worked out that they would visit the National Archives and the Library of Congress. These were two stops on their “walking test” and Wyatt had reasoned with his roommate that they should get their schoolwork out of the way early so that by Friday they could do something they wanted, like hang out at the Hardrock Café or something like that and not worry about finishing their work.
Alex was a bit put off when she met him, along with eight others who would be touring with them that day, in the breakfast room. She had been the last one to arrive and looked a bit frustrated when everyone got up as if to get started. She grabbed a banana and tucked it into her pocket then snatched up a blueberry muffin to eat on the way.
“I wish you would have told me that there were a bunch of us going,” she whispered to Wyatt, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket.
“Oh, sorry. Kyle and I were talking and we figured it would be cool to go as a group. I didn’t think you’d mind,” he replied, trying to keep his voice light and non-combative.
“If I would have known that I would have hurried so I didn’t look like an idiot being the last one to show up. I figured it just be you and me.”
“Don’t worry about it, nobody cares,” he answered, “Let’s just enjoy the city.”
Wyatt ignored the comment about it just being the two of them and Alex didn’t push it. He was glad of that.
The day was actually pretty pleasant. Wyatt was able to interact with Alex without feeling as if there was any pressure being exerted on him due to how he felt about her. It didn’t hurt that Alex was a bit cold, distant and moody. Wyatt understood, but in the end he knew it was necessary. In the end she was going to be angry with him. They were both going to end up hurt, but Wyatt couldn’t allow it to continue.
The historical aspects of the city really suited Wyatt. Besides that, he was able to maintain focus on the scholastic as opposed to the social which was so prevalent when he and Alex were together. In the end she even got into it and made it a quest for accomplishment.
Weary from a long day walking, the group piled on the subway to head back to the hotel. Alex sat across from Wyatt, looking at him as he stared out the window into the darkness of the train tunnel.
“You want to go grab something to eat when we get back,” she asked, breaking the trance he seemed to be in.
“Well, Kyle and Chuck asked me to go with them to the hotel restaurant when we get back. After that I guess we’re all going back to Chuck’s room to hang out. I’m sure you can come with us if you want,” he had planned out his response, somewhat sure of how she would answer.
“Oh, okay,” she replied, the disappointment showing in her voice. “No, you go ahead and hang out with them. My feet hurt and I think I’m just going to watch some TV then crash early.”
“You sure?” Wyatt asked, relieved that she had answered how he figured she would.
“Yeah, you go ahead,” she answered.
She didn’t say anything more for quite sometime, before looking straight at him and asking, “Wyatt, can you and I go out to dinner or something tomorrow night? Just you and I?” Her voice was quiet and higher in pitch than normal, like she was pleading with him.
Wyatt felt trapped. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings but he had to stick with his plan. He scurried for an excuse, “Well, I thought a bunch of people were going to the Smithsonian tomorrow then eating around there. I guess there’s some IMAX show or something everyone wanted to go to. I was planning on doing that.”
Her face began to crack, her emotions getting the best of her and Wyatt weakened. He couldn’t bear to watch her so he quickly added, “But we could go Thursday. I don’t have anything planned then. Would you like to go then?”
She looked at him with a strained smile and nodded. He could see her mind racing and he wanted to just reach out and hold her, but he wouldn’t, he had to remain resolved.
“You want to come with us to the Smithsonian tomorrow? You’re welcome, you know that, don’t you?” he tried to minimize the damage.
“I don’t think so Wyatt. I think I’ll check with Shelley and see if she wants to walk around with me,” she answered, referring to the girl she had been assigned to room with on the trip.
“That’s cool,” he replied, turning back to the window so he didn’t have to look at her any longer.
The next day Wyatt didn’t see Alex at all. He had spent the day with a bunch of kids from the class then hung out that evening with Kyle and Chuck. They were decent guys, not necessarily the kind of guys Wyatt would spend time with, but they allowed him to hide from Alex and served as a good distraction. He was down in Chuck’s room until well after midnight before deciding to go to bed. He didn’t have any real plans the next day other than to wander around the city poking his head in any building that looked interesting but wanted to get started early so as to avoid Alex.
He was surprised the next morning when he got down to the breakfast room at seven o’clock only to find her sitting at a table with Dr. Swanson sipping on a cup of steaming hot tea. She was dressed as if she was ready to go for the day and had her pack sitting on the floor beside her. The plate of food in front of her was half eaten, indicating that she had been there for awhile. She noticed him as he walked in.
“Good morning Wyatt,” a smile spreading across her face. She appeared happy to have gotten the jump on him this morning.
“What are you doing up so early?” he replied absently, not sure what he was going to do now.
“Well, I missed you last night but figured you were going to get an early start, so I set a wake up call so I could meet you for breakfast. Looks like I could have slept a few more minutes.”
Professor Swanson was smiling, “Good morning Wyatt, would you like to join us?”
“Um, sure. Let me grab something to eat and some coffee,” he replied, moving towards the breakfast bar.
As he made his way through the line his mind raced, “What am I going to do now?”
He loaded a plate up with fresh fruit and grabbed a bowl of cold cereal. He figured he might as well take his time eating. Balancing his plate on top of a cup of coffee he made his way to the table.
Immediately Dr. Swanson put him on the spot, “So, what are you kids going to do today?”
Wyatt bought time by taking a big bite of cereal, mumbling as he covered his mouth and feigned politeness. He held up one finger as if to tell the professor to give him a second.
Alex answered before he could, “Well, I would like to go to a few different places. I was thinking the US Mint, the Pentagon or the Holocaust Museum.”
“The Holocaust Museum is definitely worth the trip. It is an amazing place, if not a bit depressing,” he answered. He turned his attention to Wyatt, who had finished chewing.
“Well, I was hoping to go to the Capital today,” he lied.
“Oh, I went there yesterday,” Alex answered, a bit of disappointment in her voice. “I guess it doesn’t matter though, I can go back again.”
Dr. Swanson looked from one student to the other, interested in how the exchange was going to play out.
It was evident to Wyatt that he wasn’t going to escape her today. It couldn’t hurt to hang out with her so he answered, “Oh, I didn’t know that. We don’t have to go to the Capital, not if you went there yesterday. Besides, I’ve been there before anyway. You can pick where we go Alex.”
Dr. Swanson let a smile play across his face. Wyatt wondered why he was so happy. It was evident that he was aware of the game being played and had been amused by the outcome.
Alex was happy too. She smiled wide, those perfect white teeth flashing. Even her eyes, which had been so morose, brightened.
The day was actually pretty good. Wyatt had nearly forgotten how much he enjoyed being around her and it felt good to have her to himself, the two of them walking, talking about whatever crossed their minds, and just goofing around together. When she reminded him about their dinner that evening he realized his folly. He had thought he had progressed far over the last couple of days; broke the connection between the two and started to move in the direction he knew they needed to go. Yet, like an alcoholic, he had drunk her in today, and he was back to where he had started, and now, the threat of dinner, that very evening was threatening to put him into a downward spiral that he couldn’t escape from. He had to figure out what to do.
They had done their research prior to coming to Washington and had found a quaint little restaurant in the Georgetown area that they both wanted to try. The past Friday, when they had played husband and wife at the grocery store they had a agreed in a moment of seriousness to dress up and go out like adults, to see what the real world offered. Wyatt had agreed at the time, so caught up in the moment, but now he realized what a mistake that had been.
Now, as he stood in front of the mirror in his room wearing a white, freshly pressed collared shirt and purple paisley tie, along with khaki pants he realized that if he had any hope of controlling the situation he was going to have to hurt Alex, and it was killing him. She was so important to him, but she couldn’t keep leading him down a path she was unwilling to walk. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe hurting her would be what it took to fix this.
Wyatt thought to himself, “Maybe she won’t be hurt at all. She did say she wasn’t interested. It’s just dinner anyway.”
Wyatt pulled off the tie, and began unbuttoning the shirt.
It was twelve-thirty by the time Wyatt made it back to the hotel. He had taken the last train back from downtown, where he had spent the last five hours wandering. He was surprised to see Dr. Swanson sitting in the lobby reading a thick, non-descript book. Seeing Wyatt wander in, he immediately set it down and waved him over.
“Good evening Wyatt,” he said cordially, if not a bit fatherly.
“Hi Dr. Swanson,” he replied, a bit leery.
“Wyatt, it isn’t my business to involve myself in my students’ personal lives, but I think it is important for me to tell you that Alexandra has been looking for you all night.”
“I figured she would be,” came the younger man’s only response.
“Wyatt, sit down, would you please,” the kindly man patted the cushion beside him.
Wyatt obliged him, turning to look at the old man.
“Wyatt, why are you treating Alexandra this way? She is a sweet girl and it is evident that she likes you. Is there something wrong with her that I have not noticed?”
Wyatt thought for a moment before answering. His voice was low and melancholy. His decision to ignore Alex tonight had not been an easy decision, and his heart could feel it.
“That’s the problem Dr. Swanson, there is nothing wrong with her. I care about her so much, but she has made it clear that she wasn’t interested in me,” Wyatt choked out the words.
“That’s nonsense, son, she is crazy about you, anyone can see that,” he snapped back, a smile on his face.
Wyatt didn’t want to argue, but felt the necessity, to defend his actions, “She told me she wasn’t interested in me but I let myself fall for her. Now I can’t stop thinking about her and I can’t go through that rejection.”
“Wyatt, I don’t know what she told you, or when she told you those things, but I do know that that young woman doesn’t deserve the treatment you’ve been displaying the last few days. You can’t hurt her to justify you yourself not getting hurt, because in the end, both people suffer. Have you ever thought of just telling her how you feel?”
Wyatt thought for a moment. Giving up his feelings never came easy because he knew it exposed himself in ways he wasn’t willing to do.
Dr. Swanson spoke again, “Well Wyatt, I would suggest trying something difference because whatever you’re trying now are destroying two kids I have watched for half a semester, and enjoyed seeing together, even if they weren’t ‘together’.”
“Go talk to her Wyatt,” he continued. “Go end this now. If that is truly what you want, don’t lead her around making her wonder. If it is a break from her that you need, then make it a clean break, so she can get on with it as well. Don’t keep lying to her. No one deserves that.”
Wyatt sat there, looking at nothing in particular, letting his actions over the last few days play over and over in his head. He knew Dr. Swanson was right; he had just refused to accept that this was how it would have to end.
“I suppose I’ll just have to talk to her in the morning,” Wyatt mumbled, rising from the seat.
“I wouldn’t wait that long, son. She’s been sitting on the steps downstairs for the past hour. I suppose she is still there.” The professor pointed to the door that led to the stairs. Wyatt nodded and headed that way.
The downstairs area was where the pool and exercise rooms were. The students had been disappointed to find the pool closed due to issues with a broken pump when they had reached the hotel. The lights had been dimmed and few people came down here, especially this time of night.
As Wyatt came down the stairs he heard the muffled sobs of a woman and his heart immediately jumped. He didn’t know if he could do this or not, but knew he had to try.
“Hi, Alex,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.
Immediately she stopped crying, “What the hell do you want?” Her voice was full of venom.
“I came to apologize, to explain…,” he let his voice trail.
“There’s nothing to explain. I get it Wyatt. I just wish you weren’t such a coward.” As she said that, she turned and looked at him.
Wyatt could see a trail of mascara on her face where her tears had caused it to run. Her eyes were puffy, and he could tell she had been crying for awhile. She hadn’t changed out of the clothes she had wore to meet him for dinner and Wyatt was disgusted with himself. Her skirt was the same color as the tie he had been wearing earlier, and the like blouse and vest she wore were stunning. He had never seen her looking so elegant, and again his heart raced.
“I am a coward, I’m an idiot and I’ve not treated you the way you deserve,” he stuttered over his words, not really sure how to say them.
She stared at him, waiting for him to continue. At least she was willing to hear him out.
“Alex, I tried to be what you wanted me to be, to be your friend, but I can’t do it,” he started.
“Well that’s pretty evident by the way you’ve been acting,” she interrupted. “What happened? When we left, everything was going great.”
He could see the tears starting to form in her eyes again. He took a deep breath and began, “Alex, I felt things changing between us, as if you were getting more comfortable with me. I have to admit, I really enjoyed it. Friday night, when we were at the grocery store, I really felt something. Then, when you held my hand on the bus, when your hands were cold, I realized that things had went all wrong.”
She shook her head, confused, “Wyatt…”
“No, just let me finish,” he interrupted moving past and crouching in front of her. “Don’t hate me Alex, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just be friends with you. I want something more, and if I can’t have it, then I can’t be around you anymore. It tears me up whenever I’m around you. I want to blurt out how I feel about you, but I know that you don’t feel the same abut me.”
He dropped his eyes, not wanting to look at her. He felt ashamed of himself, but at the same time relieved that he had finally received his release. He knew that it would be horrible without her, but it was for the best.
He sat that way for a minute, listening to her sob, tears of his own running down his face. He was surprised to feel her hand on his head, her fingers combing through his hair.
He looked up and was surprised to see a strained smile on her face. Her eyes were wet and glossy but oh so beautiful.
“Oh Wyatt,” she wailed, slipping her arm behind his head and pulling him towards her. He hugged him as she sobbed, her face buried in his neck.
He didn’t know what to think as she pulled away from him. She wiped her eyes with the tips of her fingers and wiped them on her dress. He didn’t stop looking in her eyes as she began to speak.
“Wyatt, I tried so hard not to like you, I really did. I knew that it would be too difficult with me graduating and you being just a freshman. I should have never stopped that night in the library, but I did. I shouldn’t have sat buy you in class, but I did. There was something about you that just made me want to be around you.”
She kept looking at him, finally composed, “Wyatt, I can’t help myself anymore. All I ever think about is you. When we were at the store Friday night I realized that I loved being with you, that I could walk around the grocery store with you forever. I didn’t want to feel that way either, but I do, and I can’t help it.”
Wyatt couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Was this actually happening?” he thought to himself. “What should I say,” he thought to himself.
The truth is there was nothing to say. Here they were, walking the same road as one another and they had not even realized it until now. Without saying a word they leaned forward until their lips met.
April 1st – Dear Starlog:
I just left Alex at her room. It is about two thirty in the morning. We just spent the last two hours sitting in the stairwell talking. She means so much to me that I can’t even explain it. I’ve never felt like this before. I know I won’t be able to sleep, even though it’s late and I’m tired. I still feel bad about standing Alex up, but I guess it all worked out.
I wonder what life back at school is going to be like. I wonder what Dave is going to say. I wonder what I’m going to do when school is out for the year.
On the home front, things are going okay. Gracie is in a weird kind of funk and I don't know what to do with it, other than shower her with attention. She acts bored all the time and mopes around. I've tried to do more things with her. Last night I taught her how to play a dice game and she really enjoyed that. I will also try reading to her more. I want her to be the sweet little happy girl I know and love, not the depressing one she's been the last couple of weeks.
Last weekend's trip to Libby-Lu's was a good one. In case you didn't know, Libby-Lu's is a little girl store where they do the hair and makeup for girls then give them little trinkets to complete the look. Grace and her friend Autumn got the rock star look including head phones and glitter in their hair. They looked cute. She was really excited and had a great time. Libby-Lu's is closing for good after the first of the year, so hopefully we can get her back one more time before they do.
On the Wyatt front, I've done absolutely nothing. I need to work on the editing so I can get the thing turned in to the printer. I'm just a bit burned out, plus this whole deal at work has kept me on edge. Hopefully soon.
I am also tearing through ideas for my next book. I'm playing with one right now, but want to get a good outline before I start. It should be fun. I'm excited about starting but don't want to until I'm ready. It's all about planning for this one.
Okay,almost done with Wyatt's story. I am posting chapter 13 today out of a total of 17 plus the Epilogue. Hopefully by next week I will have run all the chapters by you and I can get the final feedback. Until then, thanks for reading.
CHAPTER 13: DISAPPOINTMENT
Wyatt started the next morning off with another early breakfast, sharing a table with Dr. Swanson and breaking down what they each had planned for the day. Wyatt had originally thought about asking the older man if he wanted company for a second day, but thought better, figuring that the professor would make good on his promise to tag along with someone else today. Besides, Wyatt had told Alex that he would hang out with her today. That hadn’t prevented him from asking Kyle, Mike, Chuck and a few other people from the class to go with them though.
He had it worked out that they would visit the National Archives and the Library of Congress. These were two stops on their “walking test” and Wyatt had reasoned with his roommate that they should get their schoolwork out of the way early so that by Friday they could do something they wanted, like hang out at the Hardrock Café or something like that and not worry about finishing their work.
Alex was a bit put off when she met him, along with eight others who would be touring with them that day, in the breakfast room. She had been the last one to arrive and looked a bit frustrated when everyone got up as if to get started. She grabbed a banana and tucked it into her pocket then snatched up a blueberry muffin to eat on the way.
“I wish you would have told me that there were a bunch of us going,” she whispered to Wyatt, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket.
“Oh, sorry. Kyle and I were talking and we figured it would be cool to go as a group. I didn’t think you’d mind,” he replied, trying to keep his voice light and non-combative.
“If I would have known that I would have hurried so I didn’t look like an idiot being the last one to show up. I figured it just be you and me.”
“Don’t worry about it, nobody cares,” he answered, “Let’s just enjoy the city.”
Wyatt ignored the comment about it just being the two of them and Alex didn’t push it. He was glad of that.
The day was actually pretty pleasant. Wyatt was able to interact with Alex without feeling as if there was any pressure being exerted on him due to how he felt about her. It didn’t hurt that Alex was a bit cold, distant and moody. Wyatt understood, but in the end he knew it was necessary. In the end she was going to be angry with him. They were both going to end up hurt, but Wyatt couldn’t allow it to continue.
The historical aspects of the city really suited Wyatt. Besides that, he was able to maintain focus on the scholastic as opposed to the social which was so prevalent when he and Alex were together. In the end she even got into it and made it a quest for accomplishment.
Weary from a long day walking, the group piled on the subway to head back to the hotel. Alex sat across from Wyatt, looking at him as he stared out the window into the darkness of the train tunnel.
“You want to go grab something to eat when we get back,” she asked, breaking the trance he seemed to be in.
“Well, Kyle and Chuck asked me to go with them to the hotel restaurant when we get back. After that I guess we’re all going back to Chuck’s room to hang out. I’m sure you can come with us if you want,” he had planned out his response, somewhat sure of how she would answer.
“Oh, okay,” she replied, the disappointment showing in her voice. “No, you go ahead and hang out with them. My feet hurt and I think I’m just going to watch some TV then crash early.”
“You sure?” Wyatt asked, relieved that she had answered how he figured she would.
“Yeah, you go ahead,” she answered.
She didn’t say anything more for quite sometime, before looking straight at him and asking, “Wyatt, can you and I go out to dinner or something tomorrow night? Just you and I?” Her voice was quiet and higher in pitch than normal, like she was pleading with him.
Wyatt felt trapped. He didn’t want to hurt her feelings but he had to stick with his plan. He scurried for an excuse, “Well, I thought a bunch of people were going to the Smithsonian tomorrow then eating around there. I guess there’s some IMAX show or something everyone wanted to go to. I was planning on doing that.”
Her face began to crack, her emotions getting the best of her and Wyatt weakened. He couldn’t bear to watch her so he quickly added, “But we could go Thursday. I don’t have anything planned then. Would you like to go then?”
She looked at him with a strained smile and nodded. He could see her mind racing and he wanted to just reach out and hold her, but he wouldn’t, he had to remain resolved.
“You want to come with us to the Smithsonian tomorrow? You’re welcome, you know that, don’t you?” he tried to minimize the damage.
“I don’t think so Wyatt. I think I’ll check with Shelley and see if she wants to walk around with me,” she answered, referring to the girl she had been assigned to room with on the trip.
“That’s cool,” he replied, turning back to the window so he didn’t have to look at her any longer.
The next day Wyatt didn’t see Alex at all. He had spent the day with a bunch of kids from the class then hung out that evening with Kyle and Chuck. They were decent guys, not necessarily the kind of guys Wyatt would spend time with, but they allowed him to hide from Alex and served as a good distraction. He was down in Chuck’s room until well after midnight before deciding to go to bed. He didn’t have any real plans the next day other than to wander around the city poking his head in any building that looked interesting but wanted to get started early so as to avoid Alex.
He was surprised the next morning when he got down to the breakfast room at seven o’clock only to find her sitting at a table with Dr. Swanson sipping on a cup of steaming hot tea. She was dressed as if she was ready to go for the day and had her pack sitting on the floor beside her. The plate of food in front of her was half eaten, indicating that she had been there for awhile. She noticed him as he walked in.
“Good morning Wyatt,” a smile spreading across her face. She appeared happy to have gotten the jump on him this morning.
“What are you doing up so early?” he replied absently, not sure what he was going to do now.
“Well, I missed you last night but figured you were going to get an early start, so I set a wake up call so I could meet you for breakfast. Looks like I could have slept a few more minutes.”
Professor Swanson was smiling, “Good morning Wyatt, would you like to join us?”
“Um, sure. Let me grab something to eat and some coffee,” he replied, moving towards the breakfast bar.
As he made his way through the line his mind raced, “What am I going to do now?”
He loaded a plate up with fresh fruit and grabbed a bowl of cold cereal. He figured he might as well take his time eating. Balancing his plate on top of a cup of coffee he made his way to the table.
Immediately Dr. Swanson put him on the spot, “So, what are you kids going to do today?”
Wyatt bought time by taking a big bite of cereal, mumbling as he covered his mouth and feigned politeness. He held up one finger as if to tell the professor to give him a second.
Alex answered before he could, “Well, I would like to go to a few different places. I was thinking the US Mint, the Pentagon or the Holocaust Museum.”
“The Holocaust Museum is definitely worth the trip. It is an amazing place, if not a bit depressing,” he answered. He turned his attention to Wyatt, who had finished chewing.
“Well, I was hoping to go to the Capital today,” he lied.
“Oh, I went there yesterday,” Alex answered, a bit of disappointment in her voice. “I guess it doesn’t matter though, I can go back again.”
Dr. Swanson looked from one student to the other, interested in how the exchange was going to play out.
It was evident to Wyatt that he wasn’t going to escape her today. It couldn’t hurt to hang out with her so he answered, “Oh, I didn’t know that. We don’t have to go to the Capital, not if you went there yesterday. Besides, I’ve been there before anyway. You can pick where we go Alex.”
Dr. Swanson let a smile play across his face. Wyatt wondered why he was so happy. It was evident that he was aware of the game being played and had been amused by the outcome.
Alex was happy too. She smiled wide, those perfect white teeth flashing. Even her eyes, which had been so morose, brightened.
The day was actually pretty good. Wyatt had nearly forgotten how much he enjoyed being around her and it felt good to have her to himself, the two of them walking, talking about whatever crossed their minds, and just goofing around together. When she reminded him about their dinner that evening he realized his folly. He had thought he had progressed far over the last couple of days; broke the connection between the two and started to move in the direction he knew they needed to go. Yet, like an alcoholic, he had drunk her in today, and he was back to where he had started, and now, the threat of dinner, that very evening was threatening to put him into a downward spiral that he couldn’t escape from. He had to figure out what to do.
They had done their research prior to coming to Washington and had found a quaint little restaurant in the Georgetown area that they both wanted to try. The past Friday, when they had played husband and wife at the grocery store they had a agreed in a moment of seriousness to dress up and go out like adults, to see what the real world offered. Wyatt had agreed at the time, so caught up in the moment, but now he realized what a mistake that had been.
Now, as he stood in front of the mirror in his room wearing a white, freshly pressed collared shirt and purple paisley tie, along with khaki pants he realized that if he had any hope of controlling the situation he was going to have to hurt Alex, and it was killing him. She was so important to him, but she couldn’t keep leading him down a path she was unwilling to walk. Maybe this was for the best. Maybe hurting her would be what it took to fix this.
Wyatt thought to himself, “Maybe she won’t be hurt at all. She did say she wasn’t interested. It’s just dinner anyway.”
Wyatt pulled off the tie, and began unbuttoning the shirt.
It was twelve-thirty by the time Wyatt made it back to the hotel. He had taken the last train back from downtown, where he had spent the last five hours wandering. He was surprised to see Dr. Swanson sitting in the lobby reading a thick, non-descript book. Seeing Wyatt wander in, he immediately set it down and waved him over.
“Good evening Wyatt,” he said cordially, if not a bit fatherly.
“Hi Dr. Swanson,” he replied, a bit leery.
“Wyatt, it isn’t my business to involve myself in my students’ personal lives, but I think it is important for me to tell you that Alexandra has been looking for you all night.”
“I figured she would be,” came the younger man’s only response.
“Wyatt, sit down, would you please,” the kindly man patted the cushion beside him.
Wyatt obliged him, turning to look at the old man.
“Wyatt, why are you treating Alexandra this way? She is a sweet girl and it is evident that she likes you. Is there something wrong with her that I have not noticed?”
Wyatt thought for a moment before answering. His voice was low and melancholy. His decision to ignore Alex tonight had not been an easy decision, and his heart could feel it.
“That’s the problem Dr. Swanson, there is nothing wrong with her. I care about her so much, but she has made it clear that she wasn’t interested in me,” Wyatt choked out the words.
“That’s nonsense, son, she is crazy about you, anyone can see that,” he snapped back, a smile on his face.
Wyatt didn’t want to argue, but felt the necessity, to defend his actions, “She told me she wasn’t interested in me but I let myself fall for her. Now I can’t stop thinking about her and I can’t go through that rejection.”
“Wyatt, I don’t know what she told you, or when she told you those things, but I do know that that young woman doesn’t deserve the treatment you’ve been displaying the last few days. You can’t hurt her to justify you yourself not getting hurt, because in the end, both people suffer. Have you ever thought of just telling her how you feel?”
Wyatt thought for a moment. Giving up his feelings never came easy because he knew it exposed himself in ways he wasn’t willing to do.
Dr. Swanson spoke again, “Well Wyatt, I would suggest trying something difference because whatever you’re trying now are destroying two kids I have watched for half a semester, and enjoyed seeing together, even if they weren’t ‘together’.”
“Go talk to her Wyatt,” he continued. “Go end this now. If that is truly what you want, don’t lead her around making her wonder. If it is a break from her that you need, then make it a clean break, so she can get on with it as well. Don’t keep lying to her. No one deserves that.”
Wyatt sat there, looking at nothing in particular, letting his actions over the last few days play over and over in his head. He knew Dr. Swanson was right; he had just refused to accept that this was how it would have to end.
“I suppose I’ll just have to talk to her in the morning,” Wyatt mumbled, rising from the seat.
“I wouldn’t wait that long, son. She’s been sitting on the steps downstairs for the past hour. I suppose she is still there.” The professor pointed to the door that led to the stairs. Wyatt nodded and headed that way.
The downstairs area was where the pool and exercise rooms were. The students had been disappointed to find the pool closed due to issues with a broken pump when they had reached the hotel. The lights had been dimmed and few people came down here, especially this time of night.
As Wyatt came down the stairs he heard the muffled sobs of a woman and his heart immediately jumped. He didn’t know if he could do this or not, but knew he had to try.
“Hi, Alex,” he said, his voice almost a whisper.
Immediately she stopped crying, “What the hell do you want?” Her voice was full of venom.
“I came to apologize, to explain…,” he let his voice trail.
“There’s nothing to explain. I get it Wyatt. I just wish you weren’t such a coward.” As she said that, she turned and looked at him.
Wyatt could see a trail of mascara on her face where her tears had caused it to run. Her eyes were puffy, and he could tell she had been crying for awhile. She hadn’t changed out of the clothes she had wore to meet him for dinner and Wyatt was disgusted with himself. Her skirt was the same color as the tie he had been wearing earlier, and the like blouse and vest she wore were stunning. He had never seen her looking so elegant, and again his heart raced.
“I am a coward, I’m an idiot and I’ve not treated you the way you deserve,” he stuttered over his words, not really sure how to say them.
She stared at him, waiting for him to continue. At least she was willing to hear him out.
“Alex, I tried to be what you wanted me to be, to be your friend, but I can’t do it,” he started.
“Well that’s pretty evident by the way you’ve been acting,” she interrupted. “What happened? When we left, everything was going great.”
He could see the tears starting to form in her eyes again. He took a deep breath and began, “Alex, I felt things changing between us, as if you were getting more comfortable with me. I have to admit, I really enjoyed it. Friday night, when we were at the grocery store, I really felt something. Then, when you held my hand on the bus, when your hands were cold, I realized that things had went all wrong.”
She shook her head, confused, “Wyatt…”
“No, just let me finish,” he interrupted moving past and crouching in front of her. “Don’t hate me Alex, but I can’t do this anymore. I can’t just be friends with you. I want something more, and if I can’t have it, then I can’t be around you anymore. It tears me up whenever I’m around you. I want to blurt out how I feel about you, but I know that you don’t feel the same abut me.”
He dropped his eyes, not wanting to look at her. He felt ashamed of himself, but at the same time relieved that he had finally received his release. He knew that it would be horrible without her, but it was for the best.
He sat that way for a minute, listening to her sob, tears of his own running down his face. He was surprised to feel her hand on his head, her fingers combing through his hair.
He looked up and was surprised to see a strained smile on her face. Her eyes were wet and glossy but oh so beautiful.
“Oh Wyatt,” she wailed, slipping her arm behind his head and pulling him towards her. He hugged him as she sobbed, her face buried in his neck.
He didn’t know what to think as she pulled away from him. She wiped her eyes with the tips of her fingers and wiped them on her dress. He didn’t stop looking in her eyes as she began to speak.
“Wyatt, I tried so hard not to like you, I really did. I knew that it would be too difficult with me graduating and you being just a freshman. I should have never stopped that night in the library, but I did. I shouldn’t have sat buy you in class, but I did. There was something about you that just made me want to be around you.”
She kept looking at him, finally composed, “Wyatt, I can’t help myself anymore. All I ever think about is you. When we were at the store Friday night I realized that I loved being with you, that I could walk around the grocery store with you forever. I didn’t want to feel that way either, but I do, and I can’t help it.”
Wyatt couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Was this actually happening?” he thought to himself. “What should I say,” he thought to himself.
The truth is there was nothing to say. Here they were, walking the same road as one another and they had not even realized it until now. Without saying a word they leaned forward until their lips met.
April 1st – Dear Starlog:
I just left Alex at her room. It is about two thirty in the morning. We just spent the last two hours sitting in the stairwell talking. She means so much to me that I can’t even explain it. I’ve never felt like this before. I know I won’t be able to sleep, even though it’s late and I’m tired. I still feel bad about standing Alex up, but I guess it all worked out.
I wonder what life back at school is going to be like. I wonder what Dave is going to say. I wonder what I’m going to do when school is out for the year.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Weekend Cometh (and more Wyatt)
It has been a horribly long week. They sprung some nasty news on us at work and with my audit next week I'm under an incredible amount of stress. It seems that our company is in jeopardy of folding by the end of the month if something can't happen. On top of that they are planning on laying off 15% of the salaried workforce on a permanent basis starting a week from today. Hopefully I'm not one of the cuts. If I am I'm not sure what I'm going to do. The job prospects in Fort Wayne are severely limited.
This weekend we are taking Gracie to Libby Lou's for a makeover. Libby Lou's is the consummate little princess shop. You can overdose on pink just walking in the store. For like $30 you can take a girl in there, have her hair done up (including adding extensions if you so choose) makeup, nails and all that stuff. It's like a spa for 6-9 year olds. She's been dying to go and now they are going out of business so we decided to get her in. Everything is 30% off, so that is a good thing.
We need to do some Christmas shopping as well. Hopefully we can pin down a sitter for Saturday so we can get some stuff purchased. Time is running out.
Okay, back to Wyatt. I haven't done anything more with the editing but hope to read over some stuff this weekend. I would like to have the whole process completed by next week. Let's hope I can accomplish that. Over Christmas break I may think about starting a new book. This one will be written at my pace and heavy thought out. I really need to start brainstorming plots. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know. Anyway, here is the next section of Wyatt. Hope you like it.
CHAPTER 12: DECISION
The bus was packed and loaded at five o’clock in the morning on Sunday. Those who were making the trip waited until the last possible moment to show up and were all working against one another to shove their luggage into the storage area under the motor coach. The driver sat indifferently at the wheel, looking over an atlas as if this was the first time he had considered where they were heading.
Wyatt had been the first one to arrive and waited patiently outside the bus, looking for Alex. A few minutes later he caught sight of her dragging a pull along suitcase across the sidewalk. She had the hood of her sweatshirt pulled up but Wyatt could tell it was her from her walk. She didn’t look up as he ran out to meet her.
“Good morning!” she shouted as her approached her.
“Not particularly. There is nothing good about five o’clock unless it involves sleep,” she grumbled in reply.
He pulled the backpack off her shoulder and took the handle of her suitcase so he could drag it the last thirty yards to the bus.
“We’re in the second set of seats on the right hand side. You can have the window if you want it,” he offered.
“Make sure you bring my backpack,” she returned, seemingly indifferent to his choice of seats.
He went on to load her luggage while trudged up the steps, mumbling under her breath. When he was finished he climbed on the bus, only to find Alex already in her seat, her head resting against the window, her eyes closed.
Wyatt tucked her backpack in the overhead and sat down beside her, “Are you ready for this?”
“I’m not ready for anything but to go back to bed,” she mumbled.
“Well, we’ll be leaving any minute and they’ll turn the lights out. You should be able to get some rest,” he offered with little consolation.
Dr. Swanson was the last person to get on the bus. He took a few minutes to explain the itinerary for the trip out and take attendance. When everyone had been accounted for, he too settled into his seat and with a hiss of brakes being released, the bus lurched forward into the morning.
They cut through the city with practically no traffic on their way to the interstate. By the time they hit it Alex was complaining about how uncomfortable she was.
“I brought my pillow if you want to use it,” Wyatt offered, hoping to appease her.
“Yes,” was her only reply.
He stood up and retrieved it from the overhead compartment before sitting down and handing it to her. She took it silently. Wyatt showed her how to recline her seat and after three or four attempts to get comfortable failed she finally ended up placing the pillow on Wyatt’s shoulder and leaned against him.
Wyatt smiled as he closed his eyes, leaned his head on the pillow they now shared too, and went to sleep as well.
At about eight o’clock Wyatt woke up and found Alex still sleeping. The sky was pale and gray, covered with a low layer of clouds that clung like heavy curtains. He could see Alex clearly now. Her hands were pulled up inside her navy sweatshirt. She wore pink Hello Kitty flannel pajama bottoms and heavy wool socks. She had kicked off her shoes earlier to make herself more comfortable and they lay on the floor, kicked beneath the seat in front of them.
Her face was plain and void of the makeup she had worn two days earlier when they had went out to dinner. Wyatt realized what a rare opportunity this was; to see this woman, this close without her knowing. He cherished his chance to stare at her, to look at her feature singularly, taking in each part of her face. He looked at her long eyelashes and marveled at the symmetrical curve each one shared. He looked at her nose, slightly oversized but wonderful in its unique appearance. He stared at the fine white hairs, normally invisible that grew above her upper lip.
Wyatt was amazed at how beautiful she had become over the months that he had known her. He flaws had completely disappeared and he realized that while others would perhaps question his judgment, he felt he was looking upon the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
It was if she knew he was staring at her because she started coming awake. Wyatt sat back and took his eyes off her, disappointed that his moment to examine her was gone, but glad she was waking so he could talk with her.
She stretched her arms above her head, hampered by the top of the overhead, and yawned, “What time is it”
“Just a few minutes past eight,” he answered. “Did you sleep well?”
“It’s still too early,” she replied, “but yeah. Thanks for your pillow.”
“No problem. You didn’t drool on it did you?” he joked.
“You could only hope,” she replied, running her hands through and scratching her head as she pushed her hood back.
“You know where we’re at?” she asked him, looking at the miles of flat, non-descript landscape.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure we are getting pretty close to Ohio. Should be leaving Indiana really soon.”
That chatted for a few minutes, Alex finally agreeing to share a package of chocolate Pop-Tarts after listening to Wyatt’s arguments proclaiming their merits. They laughed as they munched on their breakfast, Wyatt teasing Alex over her complete indifference to the trip (mostly based on the ungodly decision to leave at five AM) and her chiding him over his puppy dog like excitement about going “bye-bye”.
Wyatt’s promise to himself to be productive and get a bunch of reading done was lost for most of the trip. He found that he would rather watch the movie playing on the bus’ video monitors or sit and talk with Alex as the miles rolled past. It was one of those days where the trip was excessively long, but neither of them truly minded it. Maybe it was because they were excited about getting to Washington, maybe it was the company. Regardless, it was an enjoyable trip.
At about three o’clock Alex yawned, “Hey Wyatt, let me borrow your pillow again. I want to take a nap.”
He pulled his pillow from beside him and handed it to her, “Haven’t you slept enough today?”
“I can never get enough sleep,” she answered, fluffy the pillow and positioning it back on Wyatt’s shoulder as she had earlier.
“Well, I’m going to finish watching this movie and then I’ve got to get some reading done,” he reasserted, not completely convincing himself.
She mumbled something and snuggled her head into the pillow, her body shoulder to shoulder with his. With her eyes still closed she said, “My hands are cold.”
Rather than tucking them into her sweatshirt, which was typical, and without opening her eyes, she found Wyatt’s hand and wrapped hers around it. A smile crept across her face as she soaked up the warmth stored in his body.
Wyatt was a bit taken back by this action. He was awash with mixed feelings and he didn’t know what to think. Was Alex coming on to him? Was she just cold? He couldn’t tell, but her actions during this trip so far had been a bit more direct than she had ever displayed. He didn’t know what to think, but knew that he wasn’t going to complain.
Within minutes he could hear here breathing deep and knew that she was asleep. It amazed him how quickly she had managed to pass into the unconscious. He wished he was able to do that. Unfortunately as of late it was taking him a long time to get to sleep. The last two nights he had tossed and turned, trying to decide what he wanted to do.
There was one thing that Wyatt did not like, and that was indecision. He was much better off when he knew the answer to a question. Alex was one he just could not answer. Over the last few days this had been amplified by the time they had spent together. The trip to the grocery and the dinner at Louie’s on Friday night had felt so right, so comfortable, yet it didn’t feel like the other meals or time they had shared together. It was as if there had been progress, a movement towards a place more serious and committed. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining things or not and therein rested his confusion.
In the past Wyatt had used his mind to reason things through and here on a bus, in the middle of Pennsylvania he decided to do it again.
“Control,” he told himself, “that is what this comes down to. If I want things to work out then I need to take control. I can’t allow anyone to dictate what I do, how I feel, where I take my life.”
He turned his head and stole a peripheral glance at the woman who slept beside him. She was plain yet beautiful. He knew that she didn’t look at herself as a stunning, model like beauty. She wasn’t like that at all. She was an earthy type woman, plain yet comely.
“I can’t think of anything but you when you are near me. I can’t focus, I just have to listen, watch, concentrate on you,” he considered for a moment. “Maybe I need to quit you cold turkey. This certainly isn’t working for me. Besides, you’ll be graduating soon anyway. Maybe I should just let you go on your own way?”
He sat thinking for awhile, slowly becoming depressed at the thought of her disappearing from his life, “Look at me!” he screamed in him mind. “She is sitting right beside me and I’m allowing the thought of being without her to take me over.”
In that moment, he made up his mind. He needed to distance himself from her; otherwise he would be trapped, at the mercy of this woman. He couldn’t give her that control. As long as his emotions were running wild he was at her mercy. Inadvertently she had taken control of him and he had to make it stop. Besides, she wouldn’t want that anyway.
Strangely, he felt good about his decision. He wasn’t terribly happy, but there was a certain amount of contentedness that overcame him. Wyatt was convinced that he was made to be a loner, a nomad, a drifter. He appreciated his friendships, but he could also accept loneliness and conspired to create for himself a hermitage where he could escape the control of complexities of others. He would let Alex go, finish out school and live his life the way he wanted it, free of restraints and controls placed upon him by others.
He allowed his melancholy to overtake him. It was an awful feeling, but he wrapped himself in it. It was his life. He always knew it. Why he had allowed an individual to deny him his true calling he didn’t know. It had been a mistake and he would remedy it. Wyatt slept.
The rest of the bus trip was pretty uneventful. When Wyatt awoke he feigned disappointment in himself and forced himself to read his schoolwork. When Alex prodded him to talk with her he told her coldly, “I really need to get this stuff read. Could you just leave me alone for awhile? Thanks.”
They arrived at their hotel in DC at about six thirty. The plan for the night was to just hang out in the rooms and order pizzas. A hospitality room was set up and most of the class gathered there, drank so sodas and hung out. Wyatt skipped going down, instead, he sat in his room, reading, eating snacks from his bag and the machines at the end of the hall. He was supposed to have told Alex his room number after he had gotten it (she had gotten her first and went up to get settled in). He hadn’t. Instead he just stayed in the room, trying his best to concentrate on the words in front of him. His roommate, a junior named Kyle Toomer had told him that Alex was looking for Wyatt, but Kyle hadn’t said anything, not sure if Wyatt had wanted her knowing his room number.
“I don’t know, man,” Kyle had told him earlier when they were discussing Alex, “that girl is okay, but she’s a bit weird. I figured that if you wanted to tell her the room number you’d let her know yourself.”
“That’s cool,” Wyatt replied, wondering what was so weird about Alex. “I’ll call her later. You can tell her what number we’re in if you want. I’m just tired and want to get some sleep tonight, okay?”
“No problem dude. I’m going down to Chuck and Mike’s room. Mike brought a bottle of JD and invited me down to hit it with them. You get some sleep.” With that, he left, leaving Wyatt in the quiet of the hotel room.
Wyatt was still awake at ten thirty when the phone rang. He noticed on the display that it was ringing from Alex’s room and just ignored. She was persistent and let it ring at least ten times before finally hanging up. Each ring had temped Wyatt, but he had resisted, intent on not giving in to his decision.
He felt good about himself, having defended himself against her for a night. He knew he wouldn’t be able to completely ignore her, but he was going to minimize his contact with her whenever he possibly could. He turned out the lights and thought about how he would confront her when it inevitably happened tomorrow.
“Control,” he thought. “Just stay in control.”
Wyatt woke up at six the next morning and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. He knew they started serving breakfast downstairs early and intended on getting down there before anyone else. Kyle was sleeping deeply and Wyatt didn’t figure he would be waking up soon. He took his time showering and getting dressed. He slipped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him and made his way down to breakfast.
Wyatt was surprised to see Professor Swanson sitting at one of the small round tables reading a copy of the Washington Post and sipping on a steaming cup of coffee.
“Morning, Dr. Swanson,” Wyatt greeted, as he made his way to the bar where a spread of cold foods was laid out.
“Oh, well good morning Wyatt,” the older man answered, “I’m surprised to see any of you students up this early.”
“Yeah, well I’m not big on sleeping. Besides, I got enough on the bus trip yesterday. I’m excited about getting started today,” he replied, loading up a plate with a bagel, cream cheese, and a couple of spoonfuls of fresh fruit.
Wyatt set hi food down on a nearby table and the professor ushered him over, “Come sit with me. I’d rather have someone to talk to than read all this garbage the papers report.”
Wyatt smiled, picked up his plate and made his way over. He had always liked Dr. Swanson but other than class, never really spoke with him.
“So Wyatt, what are your plans for the day?” the scholarly old man asked over his glasses.
Dr. Swanson had been very lax on his itinerary for the time they were actually in Washington. He was insistent on them each making a trip to various points of interest but was not restricting them to a particular schedule. They had been given a “walking test” to take, insuring they had visited the prominent areas of concern to the class, but beyond that they were free to explore on their own.
“Well,” Wyatt began, “I want to visit Arlington today. I heard the weather was supposed to be good and figured that would be a good start. My grandfather was killed in World War II and I want to visit his grave.”
“Arlington is a pretty big place. I doubt if you’ll be able to find his marker without help,” the professor replied.
Wyatt knew he was being challenged, “I’ve been here before. My folks brought me here a few years back. I think I should be able to remember where he was buried. I figure it is the least I could do, you know, visit my grandfather.”
Swanson nodded his head, “That’s very noble of you. Then what?”
“I don’t know, I figured I walk over to the monuments, check out Lincoln and the Wall,” Wyatt replied, referring to the Lincoln Memorial and the nearby Vietnam Wall.
“Lot of walking,” the older man replied. “You going with anyone? Maybe your friend Alexandra?”
“Yeah, it’s a lot of walking, but I’m used to it. I loved walking the Freedom Trail in Boston and it is pretty long,” he replied, ignoring the questions.
Dr. Swanson seemed to get the hint, “Well, if you want company I’d be happy to come along. I may need to stop and rest a bit, but I’m still in pretty good shape. I like to attach myself to different groups each day, so I appreciate you letting me tag along with you.”
Wyatt smiled at the professor, “That’d be cool. When did you want to get going?”
“Well, let me get another cup of coffee. You can finish up your breakfast. I seriously doubt anyone else will be up before eight so we might as well get going early,” he answered.
This relieved Wyatt, he had hoped to get up and out before anyone else. This was working out pretty well. Besides, this would give him an excuse for when he finally ran into Alex.
March 30th – Dear Starlog
I had a pretty good day with Professor Swanson. I knew he knew a lot about history, being a PhD and all, but I was completely unaware of how much trivial information he knew. He told me all about the monuments including how they were built and stories about them as they were being built. We walked all around Arlington and he was able to tell me something about some people buried there that I would have never even given a second glance had had he not pointed out their stones. We were able to find my grandfather’s stone and I think that impressed him.
He asked me about Alex and I told him we were just friends. I don’t think he was completely convinced, but what else could I tell him? We are just friends. Sure, I think there could be more, but I know she doesn’t want it. It kinda made me mad. Matter of fact, I kinda resent the way she has played me. I guess being with someone like Dr. Swanson allowed me to be honest with myself. He’s an impartial figure and while I wasn’t willing to share everything, it was nice to be able to talk to someone without worrying about what I said. He’s a good guy.
Alex found me when we got back. She didn’t seem mad, just a bit disappointed. I told her I was sorry for not getting a hold of her last night. I told her I had a monster headache and crashed early. I also explained to her that I met Dr. Swanson in the breakfast room this morning and learned that he was going to be walking around Washington by himself and felt bad. I figured that after the long trip that she would be sleeping and guessed that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I hung out with him.
I still don’t think she was too happy with me, but frankly, she’s going to have to accept it. I’m not here to entertain her. I’m not her puppy that she can play with when she wants to. I’m in control of myself now and you know, I had a good time today. I really liked just walking around with Dr. Swanson. I did tell her that I promised that we could hang out tomorrow.
I don’t know what she did today, but she survived. It was hard looking at her because I know she was disappointed but you know what? Quitting anything is hard. Smoking, drinking, gambling. Each of them has their own challenge and I’ve got to face up to this one. I know I’ll get through it. I managed today and it turned out. I don’t really care for the lying though.
This weekend we are taking Gracie to Libby Lou's for a makeover. Libby Lou's is the consummate little princess shop. You can overdose on pink just walking in the store. For like $30 you can take a girl in there, have her hair done up (including adding extensions if you so choose) makeup, nails and all that stuff. It's like a spa for 6-9 year olds. She's been dying to go and now they are going out of business so we decided to get her in. Everything is 30% off, so that is a good thing.
We need to do some Christmas shopping as well. Hopefully we can pin down a sitter for Saturday so we can get some stuff purchased. Time is running out.
Okay, back to Wyatt. I haven't done anything more with the editing but hope to read over some stuff this weekend. I would like to have the whole process completed by next week. Let's hope I can accomplish that. Over Christmas break I may think about starting a new book. This one will be written at my pace and heavy thought out. I really need to start brainstorming plots. If anyone has any suggestions, let me know. Anyway, here is the next section of Wyatt. Hope you like it.
CHAPTER 12: DECISION
The bus was packed and loaded at five o’clock in the morning on Sunday. Those who were making the trip waited until the last possible moment to show up and were all working against one another to shove their luggage into the storage area under the motor coach. The driver sat indifferently at the wheel, looking over an atlas as if this was the first time he had considered where they were heading.
Wyatt had been the first one to arrive and waited patiently outside the bus, looking for Alex. A few minutes later he caught sight of her dragging a pull along suitcase across the sidewalk. She had the hood of her sweatshirt pulled up but Wyatt could tell it was her from her walk. She didn’t look up as he ran out to meet her.
“Good morning!” she shouted as her approached her.
“Not particularly. There is nothing good about five o’clock unless it involves sleep,” she grumbled in reply.
He pulled the backpack off her shoulder and took the handle of her suitcase so he could drag it the last thirty yards to the bus.
“We’re in the second set of seats on the right hand side. You can have the window if you want it,” he offered.
“Make sure you bring my backpack,” she returned, seemingly indifferent to his choice of seats.
He went on to load her luggage while trudged up the steps, mumbling under her breath. When he was finished he climbed on the bus, only to find Alex already in her seat, her head resting against the window, her eyes closed.
Wyatt tucked her backpack in the overhead and sat down beside her, “Are you ready for this?”
“I’m not ready for anything but to go back to bed,” she mumbled.
“Well, we’ll be leaving any minute and they’ll turn the lights out. You should be able to get some rest,” he offered with little consolation.
Dr. Swanson was the last person to get on the bus. He took a few minutes to explain the itinerary for the trip out and take attendance. When everyone had been accounted for, he too settled into his seat and with a hiss of brakes being released, the bus lurched forward into the morning.
They cut through the city with practically no traffic on their way to the interstate. By the time they hit it Alex was complaining about how uncomfortable she was.
“I brought my pillow if you want to use it,” Wyatt offered, hoping to appease her.
“Yes,” was her only reply.
He stood up and retrieved it from the overhead compartment before sitting down and handing it to her. She took it silently. Wyatt showed her how to recline her seat and after three or four attempts to get comfortable failed she finally ended up placing the pillow on Wyatt’s shoulder and leaned against him.
Wyatt smiled as he closed his eyes, leaned his head on the pillow they now shared too, and went to sleep as well.
At about eight o’clock Wyatt woke up and found Alex still sleeping. The sky was pale and gray, covered with a low layer of clouds that clung like heavy curtains. He could see Alex clearly now. Her hands were pulled up inside her navy sweatshirt. She wore pink Hello Kitty flannel pajama bottoms and heavy wool socks. She had kicked off her shoes earlier to make herself more comfortable and they lay on the floor, kicked beneath the seat in front of them.
Her face was plain and void of the makeup she had worn two days earlier when they had went out to dinner. Wyatt realized what a rare opportunity this was; to see this woman, this close without her knowing. He cherished his chance to stare at her, to look at her feature singularly, taking in each part of her face. He looked at her long eyelashes and marveled at the symmetrical curve each one shared. He looked at her nose, slightly oversized but wonderful in its unique appearance. He stared at the fine white hairs, normally invisible that grew above her upper lip.
Wyatt was amazed at how beautiful she had become over the months that he had known her. He flaws had completely disappeared and he realized that while others would perhaps question his judgment, he felt he was looking upon the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
It was if she knew he was staring at her because she started coming awake. Wyatt sat back and took his eyes off her, disappointed that his moment to examine her was gone, but glad she was waking so he could talk with her.
She stretched her arms above her head, hampered by the top of the overhead, and yawned, “What time is it”
“Just a few minutes past eight,” he answered. “Did you sleep well?”
“It’s still too early,” she replied, “but yeah. Thanks for your pillow.”
“No problem. You didn’t drool on it did you?” he joked.
“You could only hope,” she replied, running her hands through and scratching her head as she pushed her hood back.
“You know where we’re at?” she asked him, looking at the miles of flat, non-descript landscape.
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure we are getting pretty close to Ohio. Should be leaving Indiana really soon.”
That chatted for a few minutes, Alex finally agreeing to share a package of chocolate Pop-Tarts after listening to Wyatt’s arguments proclaiming their merits. They laughed as they munched on their breakfast, Wyatt teasing Alex over her complete indifference to the trip (mostly based on the ungodly decision to leave at five AM) and her chiding him over his puppy dog like excitement about going “bye-bye”.
Wyatt’s promise to himself to be productive and get a bunch of reading done was lost for most of the trip. He found that he would rather watch the movie playing on the bus’ video monitors or sit and talk with Alex as the miles rolled past. It was one of those days where the trip was excessively long, but neither of them truly minded it. Maybe it was because they were excited about getting to Washington, maybe it was the company. Regardless, it was an enjoyable trip.
At about three o’clock Alex yawned, “Hey Wyatt, let me borrow your pillow again. I want to take a nap.”
He pulled his pillow from beside him and handed it to her, “Haven’t you slept enough today?”
“I can never get enough sleep,” she answered, fluffy the pillow and positioning it back on Wyatt’s shoulder as she had earlier.
“Well, I’m going to finish watching this movie and then I’ve got to get some reading done,” he reasserted, not completely convincing himself.
She mumbled something and snuggled her head into the pillow, her body shoulder to shoulder with his. With her eyes still closed she said, “My hands are cold.”
Rather than tucking them into her sweatshirt, which was typical, and without opening her eyes, she found Wyatt’s hand and wrapped hers around it. A smile crept across her face as she soaked up the warmth stored in his body.
Wyatt was a bit taken back by this action. He was awash with mixed feelings and he didn’t know what to think. Was Alex coming on to him? Was she just cold? He couldn’t tell, but her actions during this trip so far had been a bit more direct than she had ever displayed. He didn’t know what to think, but knew that he wasn’t going to complain.
Within minutes he could hear here breathing deep and knew that she was asleep. It amazed him how quickly she had managed to pass into the unconscious. He wished he was able to do that. Unfortunately as of late it was taking him a long time to get to sleep. The last two nights he had tossed and turned, trying to decide what he wanted to do.
There was one thing that Wyatt did not like, and that was indecision. He was much better off when he knew the answer to a question. Alex was one he just could not answer. Over the last few days this had been amplified by the time they had spent together. The trip to the grocery and the dinner at Louie’s on Friday night had felt so right, so comfortable, yet it didn’t feel like the other meals or time they had shared together. It was as if there had been progress, a movement towards a place more serious and committed. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining things or not and therein rested his confusion.
In the past Wyatt had used his mind to reason things through and here on a bus, in the middle of Pennsylvania he decided to do it again.
“Control,” he told himself, “that is what this comes down to. If I want things to work out then I need to take control. I can’t allow anyone to dictate what I do, how I feel, where I take my life.”
He turned his head and stole a peripheral glance at the woman who slept beside him. She was plain yet beautiful. He knew that she didn’t look at herself as a stunning, model like beauty. She wasn’t like that at all. She was an earthy type woman, plain yet comely.
“I can’t think of anything but you when you are near me. I can’t focus, I just have to listen, watch, concentrate on you,” he considered for a moment. “Maybe I need to quit you cold turkey. This certainly isn’t working for me. Besides, you’ll be graduating soon anyway. Maybe I should just let you go on your own way?”
He sat thinking for awhile, slowly becoming depressed at the thought of her disappearing from his life, “Look at me!” he screamed in him mind. “She is sitting right beside me and I’m allowing the thought of being without her to take me over.”
In that moment, he made up his mind. He needed to distance himself from her; otherwise he would be trapped, at the mercy of this woman. He couldn’t give her that control. As long as his emotions were running wild he was at her mercy. Inadvertently she had taken control of him and he had to make it stop. Besides, she wouldn’t want that anyway.
Strangely, he felt good about his decision. He wasn’t terribly happy, but there was a certain amount of contentedness that overcame him. Wyatt was convinced that he was made to be a loner, a nomad, a drifter. He appreciated his friendships, but he could also accept loneliness and conspired to create for himself a hermitage where he could escape the control of complexities of others. He would let Alex go, finish out school and live his life the way he wanted it, free of restraints and controls placed upon him by others.
He allowed his melancholy to overtake him. It was an awful feeling, but he wrapped himself in it. It was his life. He always knew it. Why he had allowed an individual to deny him his true calling he didn’t know. It had been a mistake and he would remedy it. Wyatt slept.
The rest of the bus trip was pretty uneventful. When Wyatt awoke he feigned disappointment in himself and forced himself to read his schoolwork. When Alex prodded him to talk with her he told her coldly, “I really need to get this stuff read. Could you just leave me alone for awhile? Thanks.”
They arrived at their hotel in DC at about six thirty. The plan for the night was to just hang out in the rooms and order pizzas. A hospitality room was set up and most of the class gathered there, drank so sodas and hung out. Wyatt skipped going down, instead, he sat in his room, reading, eating snacks from his bag and the machines at the end of the hall. He was supposed to have told Alex his room number after he had gotten it (she had gotten her first and went up to get settled in). He hadn’t. Instead he just stayed in the room, trying his best to concentrate on the words in front of him. His roommate, a junior named Kyle Toomer had told him that Alex was looking for Wyatt, but Kyle hadn’t said anything, not sure if Wyatt had wanted her knowing his room number.
“I don’t know, man,” Kyle had told him earlier when they were discussing Alex, “that girl is okay, but she’s a bit weird. I figured that if you wanted to tell her the room number you’d let her know yourself.”
“That’s cool,” Wyatt replied, wondering what was so weird about Alex. “I’ll call her later. You can tell her what number we’re in if you want. I’m just tired and want to get some sleep tonight, okay?”
“No problem dude. I’m going down to Chuck and Mike’s room. Mike brought a bottle of JD and invited me down to hit it with them. You get some sleep.” With that, he left, leaving Wyatt in the quiet of the hotel room.
Wyatt was still awake at ten thirty when the phone rang. He noticed on the display that it was ringing from Alex’s room and just ignored. She was persistent and let it ring at least ten times before finally hanging up. Each ring had temped Wyatt, but he had resisted, intent on not giving in to his decision.
He felt good about himself, having defended himself against her for a night. He knew he wouldn’t be able to completely ignore her, but he was going to minimize his contact with her whenever he possibly could. He turned out the lights and thought about how he would confront her when it inevitably happened tomorrow.
“Control,” he thought. “Just stay in control.”
Wyatt woke up at six the next morning and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day. He knew they started serving breakfast downstairs early and intended on getting down there before anyone else. Kyle was sleeping deeply and Wyatt didn’t figure he would be waking up soon. He took his time showering and getting dressed. He slipped out of the room, pulling the door shut behind him and made his way down to breakfast.
Wyatt was surprised to see Professor Swanson sitting at one of the small round tables reading a copy of the Washington Post and sipping on a steaming cup of coffee.
“Morning, Dr. Swanson,” Wyatt greeted, as he made his way to the bar where a spread of cold foods was laid out.
“Oh, well good morning Wyatt,” the older man answered, “I’m surprised to see any of you students up this early.”
“Yeah, well I’m not big on sleeping. Besides, I got enough on the bus trip yesterday. I’m excited about getting started today,” he replied, loading up a plate with a bagel, cream cheese, and a couple of spoonfuls of fresh fruit.
Wyatt set hi food down on a nearby table and the professor ushered him over, “Come sit with me. I’d rather have someone to talk to than read all this garbage the papers report.”
Wyatt smiled, picked up his plate and made his way over. He had always liked Dr. Swanson but other than class, never really spoke with him.
“So Wyatt, what are your plans for the day?” the scholarly old man asked over his glasses.
Dr. Swanson had been very lax on his itinerary for the time they were actually in Washington. He was insistent on them each making a trip to various points of interest but was not restricting them to a particular schedule. They had been given a “walking test” to take, insuring they had visited the prominent areas of concern to the class, but beyond that they were free to explore on their own.
“Well,” Wyatt began, “I want to visit Arlington today. I heard the weather was supposed to be good and figured that would be a good start. My grandfather was killed in World War II and I want to visit his grave.”
“Arlington is a pretty big place. I doubt if you’ll be able to find his marker without help,” the professor replied.
Wyatt knew he was being challenged, “I’ve been here before. My folks brought me here a few years back. I think I should be able to remember where he was buried. I figure it is the least I could do, you know, visit my grandfather.”
Swanson nodded his head, “That’s very noble of you. Then what?”
“I don’t know, I figured I walk over to the monuments, check out Lincoln and the Wall,” Wyatt replied, referring to the Lincoln Memorial and the nearby Vietnam Wall.
“Lot of walking,” the older man replied. “You going with anyone? Maybe your friend Alexandra?”
“Yeah, it’s a lot of walking, but I’m used to it. I loved walking the Freedom Trail in Boston and it is pretty long,” he replied, ignoring the questions.
Dr. Swanson seemed to get the hint, “Well, if you want company I’d be happy to come along. I may need to stop and rest a bit, but I’m still in pretty good shape. I like to attach myself to different groups each day, so I appreciate you letting me tag along with you.”
Wyatt smiled at the professor, “That’d be cool. When did you want to get going?”
“Well, let me get another cup of coffee. You can finish up your breakfast. I seriously doubt anyone else will be up before eight so we might as well get going early,” he answered.
This relieved Wyatt, he had hoped to get up and out before anyone else. This was working out pretty well. Besides, this would give him an excuse for when he finally ran into Alex.
March 30th – Dear Starlog
I had a pretty good day with Professor Swanson. I knew he knew a lot about history, being a PhD and all, but I was completely unaware of how much trivial information he knew. He told me all about the monuments including how they were built and stories about them as they were being built. We walked all around Arlington and he was able to tell me something about some people buried there that I would have never even given a second glance had had he not pointed out their stones. We were able to find my grandfather’s stone and I think that impressed him.
He asked me about Alex and I told him we were just friends. I don’t think he was completely convinced, but what else could I tell him? We are just friends. Sure, I think there could be more, but I know she doesn’t want it. It kinda made me mad. Matter of fact, I kinda resent the way she has played me. I guess being with someone like Dr. Swanson allowed me to be honest with myself. He’s an impartial figure and while I wasn’t willing to share everything, it was nice to be able to talk to someone without worrying about what I said. He’s a good guy.
Alex found me when we got back. She didn’t seem mad, just a bit disappointed. I told her I was sorry for not getting a hold of her last night. I told her I had a monster headache and crashed early. I also explained to her that I met Dr. Swanson in the breakfast room this morning and learned that he was going to be walking around Washington by himself and felt bad. I figured that after the long trip that she would be sleeping and guessed that it wouldn’t be a big deal if I hung out with him.
I still don’t think she was too happy with me, but frankly, she’s going to have to accept it. I’m not here to entertain her. I’m not her puppy that she can play with when she wants to. I’m in control of myself now and you know, I had a good time today. I really liked just walking around with Dr. Swanson. I did tell her that I promised that we could hang out tomorrow.
I don’t know what she did today, but she survived. It was hard looking at her because I know she was disappointed but you know what? Quitting anything is hard. Smoking, drinking, gambling. Each of them has their own challenge and I’ve got to face up to this one. I know I’ll get through it. I managed today and it turned out. I don’t really care for the lying though.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Wyatt Klinker Section 10
Okay, just a quick note, I have training to do in 5 minutes so I can't take long.
I'm currently in the editing process and have made it through chapter three. I've been swamped at work getting ready for an audit and have been working through lunch, so my time is limited. Anyway, when I get done I believe my book will be available on Amazon for purchase. I think that would be cool.
Anyway, here's the next section...
CHAPTER 11: ROGERS’
Per the arrangements they had made earlier that morning during history class, Wyatt met Alex at her dorm room at six o’clock. He had actually been fifteen minutes early but rather than go up, he sat in the lobby passing time watching people walk by on the front walk. He did not want to come across as too anxious.
When it finally time finally came he took the stairs up to her floor. Her room was at the end of the hall on the right hand side. For a Friday it was extremely quiet and Wyatt felt uncomfortable walking, his feet making the only sound.
As he neared her door he heard the muffled sound of music coming from behind the door. He listened a moment before knocking, ascertaining that she was playing some kind of upbeat dance music. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard her yell “come in”. He pushed the door open to find her standing at a mirror, combing out her hair with a large brush.
“Hey there,” she said without turning.
“Hey there,” he mimicked. “So this is your room?”
Wyatt looked around. There were a set of bunk beds against the far wall, one with a very plain blue comforter, the other, a white one with bright stars of green and yellow. The closets were to his left and the door on one was open. Wyatt immediately realized that this one belonged to Alex as he recognized a few of the outfits hanging therein. He also noticed a dirty clothes basket on floor with a few items of clothing in it. He was embarrassed to see a lacey pink bra lying on top. He immediately averted his eyes.
Two desks in the room were the complete opposite of the other. One, on the right, was immaculate. Texts sat upright between two bookends. A blotter covers the top service and a laptop (which Wyatt immediately identified as Alex’s sat open. A psychedelic screen saver with multiple colored lines danced across the desktop. Cords ran from the back of the computer to twin speakers from which the music he had heard from the hall blared.
The other desk was a disaster. Books and papers were piled in multiple stacks, some reaching a foot high. There was no discernible order to the mass and Wyatt wondered if the desk was simply a catchall. It was apparent that the piece of furniture had no actual value as a study locale.
“It’s a mess, isn’t it?” she asked him, catching him looking at the desk. I should probably clean it up sometime because if I don’t it will never get cleaned. Wyatt let it go. He wasn’t planning on passing judgment on her roommate based on her desk.
Alex walked over to the closet and grabbed her coat. Wyatt was sure to keep his eyes focused on another part of the room and adverted from her undergarments that screamed at him from the clothes basket. He caught her closing the door out of the corner of his eye and turned to focus on her.
She was wearing a pale yellow turtleneck sweater that hugged her body accentuating her thin, yet curvy torso. Her jeans were artificially faded and had small tears in various places. Her belt was a wide black thing with a buckle shaped like a sun. Tall black boots with clunky heels rounded out her outfit. Her hair was pulled back and tied in a bundle with a yellow ribbon that stood out against her red hair. While Wyatt didn’t mind her hair this way, he loved it when she wore it down. She was wearing full makeup, Wyatt noticed and for some reason this surprised him. In fact, he felt a bit uncomfortable as he hadn’t even changed before venturing over to her place this evening.
“You ready to go,” she asked, flipping her laptop down and silencing the music.
“Yeah, let’s go,” he said, not taking his eyes off of her as she slipped on her coat.
“What are you staring at,” she asked him, catching him looking at her.
“Oh, nothing, I’m sorry. I just didn’t think we were dressing up for this,” he admitted.
“This isn’t dressing up. You’ve never seen me dressed up,” she stated nonchalantly.
“It’s just that I’ve never seen you wearing makeup. Besides that, you usually wear hooded sweatshirts.” He stated as they left, Alex pulling the door shut behind her.
“Well, maybe if you would ask me to go out with you more often I would wear different clothes and put makeup on. This IS the first time you’ve asked me off campus after all,” she accused him jokingly.
He thought about it. This was the first time he had ever ventured off campus with her. Typically they would meet at one of the dining halls on campus. Other times they would meet at the student union to just hang out. He felt ashamed of himself for not thinking about it before. Now that they were leaving campus however, he felt good about it.
“So, where do you want to eat,” she asked, changing the subject.
“Have you ever tried Louie’s?” he asked.
“No, I haven’t, is it any good?” she replied.
“No, it’s horrible,” he said sarcastically. “You don’t think I would take you anywhere good seeing as this is the first time we’ve ventured off campus together.”
“I suppose I deserved that,” she laughed.
“Louie’s is the best pizza place I’ve ever eaten at,” he explained to her. “You haven’t eaten pizza until you’ve tried Louie’s.”
“But you just had pizza on Wednesday,” she answered, a bit of concern in her voice. “I don’t want you to go some place you don’t want to go.”
“Oh, I’ve only eaten at Louie’s once,” he responded, “and that pizza I had the other night can’t hold a candle to his.”
“Okay, if you’re good with it. I’m looking forward to this. You lead the way.”
The sun was going down by the time they got off the “L” at their stop and a chill had set in. Wyatt tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Alex pulled gloves out and put them on before looping her arm through Wyatt’s elbow. This took him by surprise but he didn’t show any to her. He smiled as they walked the blocks to the restaurant.
There were people waiting to get in, but Wyatt and Alex were able to get seated at a small table after only a short wait. The aroma in the air was the same as the last time he had been here and Wyatt breathed it in deep. His mouth watered at the thought of the pizza they were about to order.
“So how’d you learn about this place,” Alex asked after ordering drinks from the waitress.
“Oh, my cousin Lindsey brought me here,” he replied.
“Oh, your aunt and uncle have a daughter? You’ve never mentioned her before.
Wyatt immediately became uncomfortable, “Yeah, they have a daughter. She’s younger than me. We don’t speak much. She’s busy with her friends and all that.”
“Oh,” was her only reply, willing to let his explanation stand.
“You know, the last time I was here was the day I found out about my parents,” he stated matter of factly.
“Awwww, doesn’t it bother you being back here,” she replied, a deep compassion in her voice.
“Not really,” he stated absently, thinking back to that day. “I’m kind of numb to their deaths now. It is worse when I’m at home, rather at my aunt and uncle’s house. While I’m at school I feel alive and free. There it’s like I’m a caged animal. I’m not looking forward to the end of the year at all.”
“Maybe you should try hanging out with your cousin,” she offered.
Wyatt immediately started shaking his head, “There’s no way I’m doing that. She’s one of the big reasons I don’t want to be there.”
“Why, what did she do,” Alex prodded.
Wyatt wasn’t sure he wanted to go down this avenue with her, but he trusted Alex like no one he had ever known. He wanted to share all his secrets with her. He wanted to tell her how little he felt for his parents after their deaths, how his morning hadn’t been for them, but for him, for the battles he knew he would have to face. Most of all he wanted to tell her how he felt about her.
Shoulder hunched and leaning forward he explained about how Lindsey had come on to him, how she had come into his room one night and how he had forced her to leave. He told her about Greg and how he had caught them in the act and how he thought she had done it just to make him jealous.
Alex listened intently as he unraveled his story. She didn’t allow any disgust to show and only listened. When he was done, she didn’t say anything. She lowered her head and looked into her lap.
Wyatt watched her for a moment before speaking, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re probably disgusted with me. I shouldn’t have told you.”
When she looked up her face was damp from a trail of tears that had run down her face. She stared at Wyatt, a deep look of compassion in her eyes, “I never knew how horrible it was there Wyatt. I never knew how much of a change your life has seen over the last year. I’m sorry that something like that had to happen to you.” Her features changed as she found herself asking, “Why did you tell me this?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess that I figured you’d understand; that you would not hold it against me. Besides that, I trust you. I feel like I could tell you anything.”
Wyatt noticed that she flushed red with these comments, embarrassed that he would be so candid with her.
“I don’t hold it against you Wyatt. I never will, not as long as we’re friends,” she replied, wiping the tears away with the corner of her napkin.
Wyatt was at a complete loss for words, he wanted to plead with her, to make her understand how they were supposed to be together. Looking at her, eyes red from wiping away the tears Wyatt knew that he couldn’t jeopardize what they did share by putting undo pressure on her. While it felt like knives in his heart, he knew he could only afford to have her as she was, to do otherwise would be unfair to her. She had voiced her opinion on the matter and he could not push it, regardless of what he had just told her; about how he felt.
As if on cue, there meal arrived, diverting the conversation. Their meal was enjoyable, if not a bit subdued. Both minds were filled with thoughts and they were both content to just eat and make small talk as opposed to carrying on deeper conversations.
Like Wyatt his first time at Louie’s, Alex was impressed as well.
“You know, you’ve been hiding this place from me for months now. I should really be offended,” she teased.
“Well,” he returned, “I’ve actually lied to you. I’ve been coming here every week for the past three months. I’ve not told you because I actually don’t really think you deserve it. You know, I don’t really like you much.”
She giggled, “Well, I’m not terribly fond of you either, but hey, I’m easy. I’ll do just about anything for pizza.”
“I’ve heard that about you,” he responded, garnering a kick from her under the table.
They finished their meal laughing and joking with one another, content to just be out, away from campus. It had been a long semester and they were both looking forward to getting away, to escaping from the city and seeing Washington.
After paying the tab they left and headed for the train. There were no real grocery stores in the center of downtown and they were both content to take a leisurely train ride north to one of the suburban areas to do some shopping. They chatted casually on the train with one another, talking about what they both wanted to see on their trip.
Neither was enthused about the fourteen hour bus ride but figured that they would make the best of it.
“You are planning on sitting by me on the trip aren’t you?” she asked as the train clattered northward.
“Well, I was, unless you would rather have someone else,” he responded, surprised she would ask.
“Okay, good. I was worried you would abandon me and one of the freshmen would want to sit by me,” she said absently.
“No, I wouldn’t let happen to you,” he smiled. “I probably won’t be much fun though. For some reason quite a few of my professors figured that Spring Break was a good time to assign homework. I’ve got a ton of reading to do.”
“Oh, that’s fine. I’ve got reading to do too. I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
They reached their stop and together got up and exited the train. It was a warm night for this time of year and they were both comfortable walking to the grocery. They continued to chat as they walked, enjoying each other’s company.
Alex guided them along the streets until they reached a small grocery store sandwiched between a law office and a furniture store. It didn’t really look like a grocery store on the outside, but the sign protested the fact: Rogers’ Market.
“Don’t you think we should find a Kroger’s or something?” Wyatt asked, giving the store a second glance.
“No way, I love this place. The owner is German and has my favorite cookies. They are expensive, but I have been craving them. They’ll be perfect to take on the trip,” she defended.
“They’ll have more than just cookies and sauerkraut won’t they? Sauerkraut probably wouldn’t be the best thing to take on the bus,” he teased.
She laughed, “They have regular American food too. I just want some of those cookies. Now come on dummy.”
The store was bigger than Wyatt had realized, stretching quite a ways back. It was an older building, but well kept. The shelves were packed full of product and very well organized.
Alex grabbed a shopping cart and turned to her left, making her way to the produce area. “This way, sweetheart,” she guided him.
“Yes dear,” he replied, playing along.
The produce area was small, but the fruits and vegetables were all very fresh looking considering the time of the year. Alex debated a bit as to whether to buy carrots and celery but decided that with no refrigeration that apples and oranges would be her best choice.
“Do you think the kids would like some bananas for their lunches,” Alex continued the charade.
Wyatt didn’t skip a beat, “Well, Juliet likes them but Petey doesn’t.”
“Well, let’s not then. We’ve got apples and oranges, they should be fine with that.”
As they marched through the store they filled their cart with various items. Alex tended to grab the more practical stuff like crackers and travels packs of tissue while Wyatt seemed to focus on junk food. All along they played at being husband and wife, laughing when one of the other said something overly absurd.
Tucked back in the corner was a section completely devoted to German food. Alex immediately found the cookies she was looking for. She excitedly showed them to Wyatt. They were called Biffar Dark Chocolate Ginger Sticks. She grabbed three packages and put them in the cart, insisting that she was stocking up.
Wyatt teased her, “You’re probably going to have one of those packages gone before we even hit the train. Are you going to even have any left for the trip tomorrow?”
“Hey, you back off mister. I’m not the one who grabbed two cartons of chocolate Pop-tarts. We’re only going to be on the bus for two mornings, what do you need all those Pop-tarts for?” she smiled, happy with her response.
“I guess you got me there,” was all Wyatt could say.
They finished walking through the store, taking turns pushing the cart, chatting up various products and grabbing stuff from the shelf when temptation called.
They reached the front of the store and checked out, pooling their money to cover the bill. Each grabbed a plastic grocery bag and made their way to the door. When they got there, they noticed that what had originally been a nice warn night had turned a bit chilly, and a steady rain had begun falling. Momentarily a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky.
“What do you want to do Wyatt?” she asked, worried by the weather.
“Well, I don’t necessarily want to walk in the rain, but we really don’t have much of a choice,” he replied.
“You want me to call a taxi?”
“No way. That would be super expensive from way up here” he thought for a moment. “Why don’t we sit on that bench over there and wait and see if it lets up.”
See looked to where he pointed and saw a singular green bench, sitting under and awning for a jewelry store, it remained dry as the rain fell around it.
The two ran through the rain and reached the bench. They laughed as they reached the protection of the awning and flopped down beside one another, their respective bags on each side of them.
“How long do you think it will last,” she asked, referring to the storm.
“I doubt very long. I didn’t even know there had been a chance for storms tonight. It’s probably just scattered showers. It’ll lighten up soon and we can head back to the train.”
They sat quietly, watching the storm. The rain pounded down, puddling in the streets. Occasionally a lightning flash would cross the sky, followed shortly thereafter by the crack of thunder. Each time Alex would flinch.
“You okay,” Wyatt asked.
“Yeah, I’m just not a real big fan of storms,” she answered, sliding a bit closer to him.
“You know, when I was little I was deathly afraid of storms. I used to scream whenever there was lightning and thunder. Then my mom told me that storms were God’s way of letting people know that he was still there. She used to tell me that weather in general was something we were powerless against. She said that God is the only one that can create storms and that we shouldn’t be afraid of them, we should marvel at them because it showed the glory and strength of God, and that he existed. I guess after that storms never really bothered me.”
They sat quietly for a moment before she spoke, “Thank you Wyatt. I never really thought about it that way. I like that. Your mom was a smart woman.”
Wyatt didn’t reply, instead he just sat watching the rain come down, enjoying being with Alex.
March 27th – Dear Starlog
I guess I should really put March 28th as the date, considering its 1:30am. I just got back from taking Alex back to her room after our little shopping trip. I guess I was wrong about rain tonight. It hasn’t let up yet and both of us are soaked, me a bit ore than her I guess because I had to walk all the way back here. It was worth it though.
Alex is an incredible person to be around. I love spending time with her and I really think she likes spending time with me. I can’t wait for this trip to DC.
We ended up sitting on a bench for about an hour watching the storm before we made a run for the train. It was pretty bad. We had to sit there soaking wet with a long ride back. It was miserable. I felt bad. I tried to apologize but Alex said everything was cool.
The school is pretty dead tonight. Most people left right after classes got out. Dave left yesterday. He skips classes all the time. I guess it doesn’t matter that much because he pulls down some pretty decent grades.
Tonight was a good night. Sure, we got soaked but I really enjoyed just being with her. I know I can’t have any more than what I got tonight, but that’s okay. Playing stupid little games with her, sitting on a bench watching the storm, sharing dinner; I’ll take that any day.
Well, I’m tired. Maybe I’ll write more when I get back.
I'm currently in the editing process and have made it through chapter three. I've been swamped at work getting ready for an audit and have been working through lunch, so my time is limited. Anyway, when I get done I believe my book will be available on Amazon for purchase. I think that would be cool.
Anyway, here's the next section...
CHAPTER 11: ROGERS’
Per the arrangements they had made earlier that morning during history class, Wyatt met Alex at her dorm room at six o’clock. He had actually been fifteen minutes early but rather than go up, he sat in the lobby passing time watching people walk by on the front walk. He did not want to come across as too anxious.
When it finally time finally came he took the stairs up to her floor. Her room was at the end of the hall on the right hand side. For a Friday it was extremely quiet and Wyatt felt uncomfortable walking, his feet making the only sound.
As he neared her door he heard the muffled sound of music coming from behind the door. He listened a moment before knocking, ascertaining that she was playing some kind of upbeat dance music. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he heard her yell “come in”. He pushed the door open to find her standing at a mirror, combing out her hair with a large brush.
“Hey there,” she said without turning.
“Hey there,” he mimicked. “So this is your room?”
Wyatt looked around. There were a set of bunk beds against the far wall, one with a very plain blue comforter, the other, a white one with bright stars of green and yellow. The closets were to his left and the door on one was open. Wyatt immediately realized that this one belonged to Alex as he recognized a few of the outfits hanging therein. He also noticed a dirty clothes basket on floor with a few items of clothing in it. He was embarrassed to see a lacey pink bra lying on top. He immediately averted his eyes.
Two desks in the room were the complete opposite of the other. One, on the right, was immaculate. Texts sat upright between two bookends. A blotter covers the top service and a laptop (which Wyatt immediately identified as Alex’s sat open. A psychedelic screen saver with multiple colored lines danced across the desktop. Cords ran from the back of the computer to twin speakers from which the music he had heard from the hall blared.
The other desk was a disaster. Books and papers were piled in multiple stacks, some reaching a foot high. There was no discernible order to the mass and Wyatt wondered if the desk was simply a catchall. It was apparent that the piece of furniture had no actual value as a study locale.
“It’s a mess, isn’t it?” she asked him, catching him looking at the desk. I should probably clean it up sometime because if I don’t it will never get cleaned. Wyatt let it go. He wasn’t planning on passing judgment on her roommate based on her desk.
Alex walked over to the closet and grabbed her coat. Wyatt was sure to keep his eyes focused on another part of the room and adverted from her undergarments that screamed at him from the clothes basket. He caught her closing the door out of the corner of his eye and turned to focus on her.
She was wearing a pale yellow turtleneck sweater that hugged her body accentuating her thin, yet curvy torso. Her jeans were artificially faded and had small tears in various places. Her belt was a wide black thing with a buckle shaped like a sun. Tall black boots with clunky heels rounded out her outfit. Her hair was pulled back and tied in a bundle with a yellow ribbon that stood out against her red hair. While Wyatt didn’t mind her hair this way, he loved it when she wore it down. She was wearing full makeup, Wyatt noticed and for some reason this surprised him. In fact, he felt a bit uncomfortable as he hadn’t even changed before venturing over to her place this evening.
“You ready to go,” she asked, flipping her laptop down and silencing the music.
“Yeah, let’s go,” he said, not taking his eyes off of her as she slipped on her coat.
“What are you staring at,” she asked him, catching him looking at her.
“Oh, nothing, I’m sorry. I just didn’t think we were dressing up for this,” he admitted.
“This isn’t dressing up. You’ve never seen me dressed up,” she stated nonchalantly.
“It’s just that I’ve never seen you wearing makeup. Besides that, you usually wear hooded sweatshirts.” He stated as they left, Alex pulling the door shut behind her.
“Well, maybe if you would ask me to go out with you more often I would wear different clothes and put makeup on. This IS the first time you’ve asked me off campus after all,” she accused him jokingly.
He thought about it. This was the first time he had ever ventured off campus with her. Typically they would meet at one of the dining halls on campus. Other times they would meet at the student union to just hang out. He felt ashamed of himself for not thinking about it before. Now that they were leaving campus however, he felt good about it.
“So, where do you want to eat,” she asked, changing the subject.
“Have you ever tried Louie’s?” he asked.
“No, I haven’t, is it any good?” she replied.
“No, it’s horrible,” he said sarcastically. “You don’t think I would take you anywhere good seeing as this is the first time we’ve ventured off campus together.”
“I suppose I deserved that,” she laughed.
“Louie’s is the best pizza place I’ve ever eaten at,” he explained to her. “You haven’t eaten pizza until you’ve tried Louie’s.”
“But you just had pizza on Wednesday,” she answered, a bit of concern in her voice. “I don’t want you to go some place you don’t want to go.”
“Oh, I’ve only eaten at Louie’s once,” he responded, “and that pizza I had the other night can’t hold a candle to his.”
“Okay, if you’re good with it. I’m looking forward to this. You lead the way.”
The sun was going down by the time they got off the “L” at their stop and a chill had set in. Wyatt tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket. Alex pulled gloves out and put them on before looping her arm through Wyatt’s elbow. This took him by surprise but he didn’t show any to her. He smiled as they walked the blocks to the restaurant.
There were people waiting to get in, but Wyatt and Alex were able to get seated at a small table after only a short wait. The aroma in the air was the same as the last time he had been here and Wyatt breathed it in deep. His mouth watered at the thought of the pizza they were about to order.
“So how’d you learn about this place,” Alex asked after ordering drinks from the waitress.
“Oh, my cousin Lindsey brought me here,” he replied.
“Oh, your aunt and uncle have a daughter? You’ve never mentioned her before.
Wyatt immediately became uncomfortable, “Yeah, they have a daughter. She’s younger than me. We don’t speak much. She’s busy with her friends and all that.”
“Oh,” was her only reply, willing to let his explanation stand.
“You know, the last time I was here was the day I found out about my parents,” he stated matter of factly.
“Awwww, doesn’t it bother you being back here,” she replied, a deep compassion in her voice.
“Not really,” he stated absently, thinking back to that day. “I’m kind of numb to their deaths now. It is worse when I’m at home, rather at my aunt and uncle’s house. While I’m at school I feel alive and free. There it’s like I’m a caged animal. I’m not looking forward to the end of the year at all.”
“Maybe you should try hanging out with your cousin,” she offered.
Wyatt immediately started shaking his head, “There’s no way I’m doing that. She’s one of the big reasons I don’t want to be there.”
“Why, what did she do,” Alex prodded.
Wyatt wasn’t sure he wanted to go down this avenue with her, but he trusted Alex like no one he had ever known. He wanted to share all his secrets with her. He wanted to tell her how little he felt for his parents after their deaths, how his morning hadn’t been for them, but for him, for the battles he knew he would have to face. Most of all he wanted to tell her how he felt about her.
Shoulder hunched and leaning forward he explained about how Lindsey had come on to him, how she had come into his room one night and how he had forced her to leave. He told her about Greg and how he had caught them in the act and how he thought she had done it just to make him jealous.
Alex listened intently as he unraveled his story. She didn’t allow any disgust to show and only listened. When he was done, she didn’t say anything. She lowered her head and looked into her lap.
Wyatt watched her for a moment before speaking, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. You’re probably disgusted with me. I shouldn’t have told you.”
When she looked up her face was damp from a trail of tears that had run down her face. She stared at Wyatt, a deep look of compassion in her eyes, “I never knew how horrible it was there Wyatt. I never knew how much of a change your life has seen over the last year. I’m sorry that something like that had to happen to you.” Her features changed as she found herself asking, “Why did you tell me this?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I guess that I figured you’d understand; that you would not hold it against me. Besides that, I trust you. I feel like I could tell you anything.”
Wyatt noticed that she flushed red with these comments, embarrassed that he would be so candid with her.
“I don’t hold it against you Wyatt. I never will, not as long as we’re friends,” she replied, wiping the tears away with the corner of her napkin.
Wyatt was at a complete loss for words, he wanted to plead with her, to make her understand how they were supposed to be together. Looking at her, eyes red from wiping away the tears Wyatt knew that he couldn’t jeopardize what they did share by putting undo pressure on her. While it felt like knives in his heart, he knew he could only afford to have her as she was, to do otherwise would be unfair to her. She had voiced her opinion on the matter and he could not push it, regardless of what he had just told her; about how he felt.
As if on cue, there meal arrived, diverting the conversation. Their meal was enjoyable, if not a bit subdued. Both minds were filled with thoughts and they were both content to just eat and make small talk as opposed to carrying on deeper conversations.
Like Wyatt his first time at Louie’s, Alex was impressed as well.
“You know, you’ve been hiding this place from me for months now. I should really be offended,” she teased.
“Well,” he returned, “I’ve actually lied to you. I’ve been coming here every week for the past three months. I’ve not told you because I actually don’t really think you deserve it. You know, I don’t really like you much.”
She giggled, “Well, I’m not terribly fond of you either, but hey, I’m easy. I’ll do just about anything for pizza.”
“I’ve heard that about you,” he responded, garnering a kick from her under the table.
They finished their meal laughing and joking with one another, content to just be out, away from campus. It had been a long semester and they were both looking forward to getting away, to escaping from the city and seeing Washington.
After paying the tab they left and headed for the train. There were no real grocery stores in the center of downtown and they were both content to take a leisurely train ride north to one of the suburban areas to do some shopping. They chatted casually on the train with one another, talking about what they both wanted to see on their trip.
Neither was enthused about the fourteen hour bus ride but figured that they would make the best of it.
“You are planning on sitting by me on the trip aren’t you?” she asked as the train clattered northward.
“Well, I was, unless you would rather have someone else,” he responded, surprised she would ask.
“Okay, good. I was worried you would abandon me and one of the freshmen would want to sit by me,” she said absently.
“No, I wouldn’t let happen to you,” he smiled. “I probably won’t be much fun though. For some reason quite a few of my professors figured that Spring Break was a good time to assign homework. I’ve got a ton of reading to do.”
“Oh, that’s fine. I’ve got reading to do too. I promise I’ll leave you alone.”
They reached their stop and together got up and exited the train. It was a warm night for this time of year and they were both comfortable walking to the grocery. They continued to chat as they walked, enjoying each other’s company.
Alex guided them along the streets until they reached a small grocery store sandwiched between a law office and a furniture store. It didn’t really look like a grocery store on the outside, but the sign protested the fact: Rogers’ Market.
“Don’t you think we should find a Kroger’s or something?” Wyatt asked, giving the store a second glance.
“No way, I love this place. The owner is German and has my favorite cookies. They are expensive, but I have been craving them. They’ll be perfect to take on the trip,” she defended.
“They’ll have more than just cookies and sauerkraut won’t they? Sauerkraut probably wouldn’t be the best thing to take on the bus,” he teased.
She laughed, “They have regular American food too. I just want some of those cookies. Now come on dummy.”
The store was bigger than Wyatt had realized, stretching quite a ways back. It was an older building, but well kept. The shelves were packed full of product and very well organized.
Alex grabbed a shopping cart and turned to her left, making her way to the produce area. “This way, sweetheart,” she guided him.
“Yes dear,” he replied, playing along.
The produce area was small, but the fruits and vegetables were all very fresh looking considering the time of the year. Alex debated a bit as to whether to buy carrots and celery but decided that with no refrigeration that apples and oranges would be her best choice.
“Do you think the kids would like some bananas for their lunches,” Alex continued the charade.
Wyatt didn’t skip a beat, “Well, Juliet likes them but Petey doesn’t.”
“Well, let’s not then. We’ve got apples and oranges, they should be fine with that.”
As they marched through the store they filled their cart with various items. Alex tended to grab the more practical stuff like crackers and travels packs of tissue while Wyatt seemed to focus on junk food. All along they played at being husband and wife, laughing when one of the other said something overly absurd.
Tucked back in the corner was a section completely devoted to German food. Alex immediately found the cookies she was looking for. She excitedly showed them to Wyatt. They were called Biffar Dark Chocolate Ginger Sticks. She grabbed three packages and put them in the cart, insisting that she was stocking up.
Wyatt teased her, “You’re probably going to have one of those packages gone before we even hit the train. Are you going to even have any left for the trip tomorrow?”
“Hey, you back off mister. I’m not the one who grabbed two cartons of chocolate Pop-tarts. We’re only going to be on the bus for two mornings, what do you need all those Pop-tarts for?” she smiled, happy with her response.
“I guess you got me there,” was all Wyatt could say.
They finished walking through the store, taking turns pushing the cart, chatting up various products and grabbing stuff from the shelf when temptation called.
They reached the front of the store and checked out, pooling their money to cover the bill. Each grabbed a plastic grocery bag and made their way to the door. When they got there, they noticed that what had originally been a nice warn night had turned a bit chilly, and a steady rain had begun falling. Momentarily a bolt of lightning flashed across the sky.
“What do you want to do Wyatt?” she asked, worried by the weather.
“Well, I don’t necessarily want to walk in the rain, but we really don’t have much of a choice,” he replied.
“You want me to call a taxi?”
“No way. That would be super expensive from way up here” he thought for a moment. “Why don’t we sit on that bench over there and wait and see if it lets up.”
See looked to where he pointed and saw a singular green bench, sitting under and awning for a jewelry store, it remained dry as the rain fell around it.
The two ran through the rain and reached the bench. They laughed as they reached the protection of the awning and flopped down beside one another, their respective bags on each side of them.
“How long do you think it will last,” she asked, referring to the storm.
“I doubt very long. I didn’t even know there had been a chance for storms tonight. It’s probably just scattered showers. It’ll lighten up soon and we can head back to the train.”
They sat quietly, watching the storm. The rain pounded down, puddling in the streets. Occasionally a lightning flash would cross the sky, followed shortly thereafter by the crack of thunder. Each time Alex would flinch.
“You okay,” Wyatt asked.
“Yeah, I’m just not a real big fan of storms,” she answered, sliding a bit closer to him.
“You know, when I was little I was deathly afraid of storms. I used to scream whenever there was lightning and thunder. Then my mom told me that storms were God’s way of letting people know that he was still there. She used to tell me that weather in general was something we were powerless against. She said that God is the only one that can create storms and that we shouldn’t be afraid of them, we should marvel at them because it showed the glory and strength of God, and that he existed. I guess after that storms never really bothered me.”
They sat quietly for a moment before she spoke, “Thank you Wyatt. I never really thought about it that way. I like that. Your mom was a smart woman.”
Wyatt didn’t reply, instead he just sat watching the rain come down, enjoying being with Alex.
March 27th – Dear Starlog
I guess I should really put March 28th as the date, considering its 1:30am. I just got back from taking Alex back to her room after our little shopping trip. I guess I was wrong about rain tonight. It hasn’t let up yet and both of us are soaked, me a bit ore than her I guess because I had to walk all the way back here. It was worth it though.
Alex is an incredible person to be around. I love spending time with her and I really think she likes spending time with me. I can’t wait for this trip to DC.
We ended up sitting on a bench for about an hour watching the storm before we made a run for the train. It was pretty bad. We had to sit there soaking wet with a long ride back. It was miserable. I felt bad. I tried to apologize but Alex said everything was cool.
The school is pretty dead tonight. Most people left right after classes got out. Dave left yesterday. He skips classes all the time. I guess it doesn’t matter that much because he pulls down some pretty decent grades.
Tonight was a good night. Sure, we got soaked but I really enjoyed just being with her. I know I can’t have any more than what I got tonight, but that’s okay. Playing stupid little games with her, sitting on a bench watching the storm, sharing dinner; I’ll take that any day.
Well, I’m tired. Maybe I’ll write more when I get back.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Wyatt Klinker Section 9
Okay, this is a whole lot easier. All I really have to do is post the next chapter of my book. That makes it real easy. It is a whole lot easier than going home, sitting at the computer ans typing for two hours while trying to keep the kids in line and keep Angie from going crazy (due to said children). I also have a bit of an empty feeling. I'm going to miss writing my story. It almost feels like a child that has finally moved out of your house. Sure, it's nice they are gone, but you do wish them.
Over the next week or so I plan on reading over my book and editing sections of it. I doubt I will do any rewrites. While the story isn't my favorite, it is complete, and that makes me happy.
I've already began formulating ideas for a new book, this time one that doesn't live under the constraints of time and word counts. I want to try to improve my writing and hope that somewhere in my head there is a story worthy of being printed and bound. I think I can do it, and I'm buoyed by the fact that my next novel will not be my first. That really feels good to type that. If anyone who reads this likes to write, I encourage them to try Nanowrimo next year. It is tough, but an incredible rush when you finally finish.
Okay, I've got a lot of work to do here today, so I'm not going to drag this out. Here is the next chapter of my book. Hope you continue to enjoy it.
CHAPTER 10: PICTURES
At the beginning of the term Dr. Swanson had told all the students that once again the school was sponsoring a trip to Washington D.C. for the HIS322 and his other class, HIS403 Presidential History. Wyatt had planned on going all along and was excited to know that the trip was a mere week away.
While Wyatt had been to Washington before, he was actually looking forward to the spring break excursion for more than one reason. First, going on the week long trip meant he didn’t have to go back home and confront his aunt, uncle and cousin again. Secondly, he would be given the chance to go back to the east coast, a place he missed dearly.
After their talk a month previous things had really cooled between him and Alex. He still talked to her in class but only met her for lunch once of twice a week as opposed to sharing a meal with her almost every day. He had been bothered by the fact that she didn’t press to share more time with him, but then he realized that she didn’t share the same feelings he had. She had also cooled on what she said around him. They had stopped talking about personal stuff and settled on discussing the mundane.
Wyatt was happy however to find out that she had planned on going to Washington as well. He was actually overly excited and had to force himself to relax and convince himself that just because she was going to DC didn’t mean things were any different. In fact, he actually became melancholy think about it.
Of course she was attuned to his feelings, or so it seemed, and immediately realized something was wrong. After class she grabbed him as they were leaving and asked him if everything was okay.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he lied.
“No it’s not,” she pressed. “I know you well enough to know when you’re bummed out.”
Wyatt had to think fast, “Well, Wednesday is my birthday and I miss my parents. It’s my first one without them.”
Wednesday was in fact Wyatt’s birthday, but in truth he really didn’t care one way or another. After age twelve his parents didn’t do much with birthdays so they didn’t really mean much.
Alex’s faced turned to a frown. She wrapped her arms around him, instantly flooding Wyatt with emotion. He loved having her arms wrapped around him and didn’t want her to let go.
“I’m so sorry Wyatt,” she comforted him. “Is there anything I can do?”
Wyatt didn’t allow himself to fantasize and instead just answered plainly, “No, I’ll be okay. I’ll get through it.”
“Do you want to meet me for dinner?” she offered.
“No, Dave and I are already planning on ordering pizza and hanging out with some guys on the hall,” he lied.
“Okay then,” she replied matter of factly. You let me know if there is anything you need. “Oh, and if I don’t tell you on Wednesday, happy birthday.”
With that Alex turned and walked away, leaving Wyatt to just stand outside in the cold, utterly frustrated with how his emotions were pulling him apart.
“I don’t know why you don’t just tell her how you feel,” Dave counseled Wyatt as they both sat in their room munching on pizza and watching the basketball game on television.
“Geez Dave, you sound like a woman,” Wyatt chided, throwing a pizza crust at his roommate.
The two of them had become good friends and Wyatt didn’t have a problem opening up to him. He had shared his feelings about Alex as well as all the mess at home, including the progression of the Lindsey issue. Dave, when he took the time to shut up was an amazingly good listener. He didn’t offer advice unless first asked and he admitted when he had no idea what to do. Alex had become a constant point of discussion between the two.
Dave picked up the thrown crust and immediately took a bite out of it, offering a Cheshire-like smile.
“You are one sick SOB Dave,” Wyatt signed, shaking his head.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” the other man replied, shoving the rest of the crust in his mouth.
Wyatt propped his feet up on a milk crate and took another piece of pizza from the box. Just then someone knocked on the door.
“What do you want!?!” Dave yelled; his traditional greeting to the few visitors the two had.
“Do you have to do that,” Wyatt laughed, getting up and going to the door.
He was surprised when he opened it and found Alex standing there, her left hand hidden inside her long winter coat.
“Oh, hi,” Wyatt stuttered, surprised by her appearance at his door. She had never been to his room and he never really expected her to see it. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I felt bad for you because of your first birthday and all,” she looked down, not really knowing how to address the issue. “Well I felt bad considering your parents not being here to celebrate and all so I bought you a present.”
“Is that the stripper I hired for your birthday, Wy?” Dave shouted from behind him.
Alex laughed, “That must be Dave.”
Wyatt opened the door and stepped aside so she to come in, “Alex, this is my roommate Dave, Dave, this is Alex.”
“Nope, that’s not the stripper, but she’ll do,” Dave said, pulling himself up out of his chair.
Wyatt shot Dave a look that told him that he was crossing the line.
“I’m sorry. Hello Alex, it’s nice to meet you.”
Wyatt allowed himself to relax, “It’s good to see you, I really didn’t expect you to come over.”
“Well, I didn’t either, but I really felt bad for you so I brought you a present,” she pulled her hand out of her coat and revealed a tall bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. “I thought first I would contribute to the delinquency of a minor.
She pulled the paper bag off the bottle to reveal a bottle of champagne, “Do you have glasses?”
Wyatt retrieved a stack of Styrofoam coffee cups from the top of Dave’s refrigerator, “This is all we got, I hope they will do.”
“I really like this girl Wyatt. You should have invited her over earlier,” Dave contributed as he once again settled into his chair.
Wyatt flopped down on the floor, allowing Alex to have the seat he had vacated when she arrived. He watched her as her boney fingers pulled the foil off of the cork. They were long and delicate, the nails painted a subtle pink color. He allowed himself to be mesmerized by her movements.
Once she got the foil off she handed the bottle to Wyatt, “You have the honors of popping the cork, Birthday Boy.”
The bottle was one of those less expensive champagnes and had a plastic stopper which took a little wiggling to remove, but didn’t require a bottle opener. Wyatt struggle momentarily before he felt the cork give way. He held on to the cap as he heard the tell-tale pop as it was removed wholly from its nesting place in the bottle.
“Sorry it’s not chilled. I picked it up on my way over,” she admitted as she pulled three cups from the stack, setting them out on the same milk crate Wyatt had used as a foot stool earlier.
He poured each glass, bringing them as close to the top as he could without allowing a prolific amount of foam to spill over. Each took a cup but before they could drink, Dave offered up a toast.
“To the best person who has ever kicked my ass. Oh, and to a pretty decent roomie too,” he said as he lifted his glass.
The other two touched their cups to his and drank deeply, enjoying the bubbly sensation of the champagne. It was the first Wyatt had ever had and he was immediately smitten with its sweet taste and soda-pop fizz.
“Oh, my turn,” Alex blurted after topping off everyone’s glass from the bottle.
She thought for a moment before raising her glass and speaking, “I propose a toast to overdue library books, cold November evenings, and freshmen with the guts to hit on upperclassmen.”
Again they repeated the glass tipping ritual, Wyatt giving a smile to Alex and she returned the same.
“Really Wyatt, I’m glad I met you. You are a good friend and I’m going to miss you after I graduate. Oh, that reminds me, I got you a present.”
Dave raised his eyebrows at mention of a gift and Wyatt shot him a look that said, “Don’t you dare say whatever is running through that perverted head of yours.”
Alex didn’t notice the exchange as she began looking through her handbag. She found what she was looking for and pulled out a small package. It was wrapped in rich blue paper with a fluorescent pink ribbon. She handed to Wyatt and explained, “It’s not much but I wanted to get you something.”
Wyatt wasn’t accustomed to receiving gifts and took it, staring at the ribbon and the paper. He was stalled, wondering what it was.
“Well open it dummy,” she told him, leaning forward to watch him.
Wyatt took his time, first removing the ribbon without damaging it. Find the tape that held the paper to itself, he pulled it apart and extracted the gift.
“What is it,” he asked, not sure what the small electronic device was that he now held in his hand.
“Push the button on the side,” she instructed him.
He did as he was told, and a picture of Alex sitting at her desk in her down room appeared on the screen. After about five seconds the image changed to another shot of her, this time posing for the camera, her smile shining.
Wyatt spent a few minute looking as the image continued to change.
“It’s a digital picture frame that you can carry in your pocket,” she explained. “I saw it at the drug store and thought it was pretty cool. I didn’t know if you’d like it or not. You don’t have to keep those pictures of me on there; I just thought it would be better to give it to you with something on it.”
“No,” Wyatt interrupted, “I really like it. And I like the pictures too. Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to. You’re a good friend and I like spending time with you,” she said, her voice serious.
Wyatt didn’t know how to reply. This was an odd position he was in. Luckily, Dave broke the tension when he suddenly blurted out, “Oh shit, I forgot my report for my finance class tomorrow. I’ve got to get over to the computer lab before it closes so I can run it off.”
He grabbed his coat, slipped on a pair of sneakers without bothering to unlace them and made his way to the door. “It was nice meeting you Alex, thanks for the champagne.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. Sorry for interrupting you and Wyatt’s little party.”
He waved her off as he went out the door, “Not a problem”. He then left, closing the door behind him, leaving Alex and Wyatt alone.
Even though the television was still on, there was a dead stillness to the air in the room. It was a tension built on indecision. This was an opportunity for Wyatt to stress his feelings about Alex, but fear was also prevalent. He didn’t want to scare her off. He decided to play it safe.
“Thanks again for the gift, it means a lot. I certainly wasn’t expecting it,” he stated plainly enough, looking again as the scrolling pictures.
“Wyatt, I meant what I said. You are a real good friend and I do like spending time with you,” she said as she got out of the chair and sat down on the floor beside him. She took his hand. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I like being your friend and I don’t want to ruin it by letting it become something more serious. I hope you understand because your friendship is super important to me.”
Wyatt was screaming inside, “Why don’t you feel the same way about me that I feel about you! I don’t care! Why can’t we have something more!?!”
Instead, he just said meekly, “It’s ok Alex. I understand. I don’t want anything more than our friendship either. It is important to me too that we stay friends.”
She didn’t seem to notice his deceit, “I’m glad Wyatt. You are such a sweet guy.” She then leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. For an instance before her lips touched his cheek he could feel her warm breath on his face and became awash with a sense of euphoria. For a moment he allowed his eyes to close and soaked up her energy. As the kiss ended, he felt a deep depression overcome him. As she pulled away he forced a smile.
“Well, I’ve got to get back to my dorm. I’ve got a bunch of reading to do,” she said as they both stood up. “I’m glad I got to share a bit of your birthday with you.”
“Yeah, I’m glad you stopped by. Thanks for the champagne and the gift,” he replied uncomfortably, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. “Oh, you want me to walk you back to your dorm?”
“Oh no, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind the walk,” she replied, pulling her coat back on.
“You sure?” he asked, “Let me at least walk you down to the door.”
She nodded and the two made their way down the hallway to the bank of elevators.
“I’m looking forwards to our trip to DC next week,” she stated, a bit of excitement in her voice.
“Yeah, I am too. I still need to go out and pick of stuff for the trip. I’ll probably do that Friday night,” he revealed.
“Oh! I’ve got to do that too. You mind if I go with you?”
Considering the feelings racing through his mind, he would have rather said “yes, he did mind” but he couldn’t force himself to deny her, nor deny an opportunity to be around her.
“Sure, you can come, maybe we could grab something to eat while we’re out.”
“That sounds like fun. What time, six?” she asked.
“Yeah, that sounds okay with me. We can talk about it more in class on Friday.” He answered as they reached the front door.
She turned to face him, “that will work. Happy birthday Wyatt. I’m glad you didn’t have to spend it alone this year.”
As she spoke he looked into her eyes and saw a flicker of something there. It was as if she was holding back, not revealing everything to him. He refused to believe it and shook the feeling off.
“Thanks Alex, I enjoyed spending time with you. This was a good birthday,” he replied.
She wrapped her arms around him and stood there hugging him, rocking her body back and forth slightly. He wanted to say something but didn’t.
When they finally separated she looked at him again and that same look was there. He wanted to take her face in his hands and kiss her, but he didn’t. Instead he just smiled and said, “Be careful walking home. I’ll see you later.”
“Yup. Have a nice night,” was her only reply as she turned and left. She looked back once to see if he was still standing there, watching her, but he was gone.
March 25th -Dear Starlog
Alex just left and I can’t help but feel that she wanted me to kiss her when I walked her out. This is so confusing. I know we would be perfect together, so I don’t know why she won’t just let go. I know she’s graduating, but Rockford isn’t all that far. I think we could make it work. Besides, she could easily find a job here in the city. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just desperate.
Well, I’ve got to take what I can get. Right now it just means being friends and being happy with that.
What the hell am I saying? She has been clear that she doesn’t want anything more than a friendship. I’m acting like a stupid little freshman. I have two more months of class then the summer will be here. I should make the best of what time I have left here because going back to live with my aunt and uncle is going to be completely depressing. I think I’ll just find a job to keep me occupied all summer. That way I don’t have to be around much.
I am looking forward to going to Washington on Sunday. It has been at least eight years since mom and dad took me there on our summer vacation. It was fairly interesting then, but of course that was before I really had an interest in history. There are a few places I would love to go, namely the National Archives and the Smithsonian. The monuments are cool, but once you’ve seen them once they aren’t that big a deal. Of course, if Alex wants to go see them I’ll take her, but it doesn’t much matter to me.
I suppose I should get some sleep. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to get some stuff at the library. I don’t know why I’m even going to try though. I know that, like most nights, I’ll lay awake thinking about her. I always do.
Over the next week or so I plan on reading over my book and editing sections of it. I doubt I will do any rewrites. While the story isn't my favorite, it is complete, and that makes me happy.
I've already began formulating ideas for a new book, this time one that doesn't live under the constraints of time and word counts. I want to try to improve my writing and hope that somewhere in my head there is a story worthy of being printed and bound. I think I can do it, and I'm buoyed by the fact that my next novel will not be my first. That really feels good to type that. If anyone who reads this likes to write, I encourage them to try Nanowrimo next year. It is tough, but an incredible rush when you finally finish.
Okay, I've got a lot of work to do here today, so I'm not going to drag this out. Here is the next chapter of my book. Hope you continue to enjoy it.
CHAPTER 10: PICTURES
At the beginning of the term Dr. Swanson had told all the students that once again the school was sponsoring a trip to Washington D.C. for the HIS322 and his other class, HIS403 Presidential History. Wyatt had planned on going all along and was excited to know that the trip was a mere week away.
While Wyatt had been to Washington before, he was actually looking forward to the spring break excursion for more than one reason. First, going on the week long trip meant he didn’t have to go back home and confront his aunt, uncle and cousin again. Secondly, he would be given the chance to go back to the east coast, a place he missed dearly.
After their talk a month previous things had really cooled between him and Alex. He still talked to her in class but only met her for lunch once of twice a week as opposed to sharing a meal with her almost every day. He had been bothered by the fact that she didn’t press to share more time with him, but then he realized that she didn’t share the same feelings he had. She had also cooled on what she said around him. They had stopped talking about personal stuff and settled on discussing the mundane.
Wyatt was happy however to find out that she had planned on going to Washington as well. He was actually overly excited and had to force himself to relax and convince himself that just because she was going to DC didn’t mean things were any different. In fact, he actually became melancholy think about it.
Of course she was attuned to his feelings, or so it seemed, and immediately realized something was wrong. After class she grabbed him as they were leaving and asked him if everything was okay.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” he lied.
“No it’s not,” she pressed. “I know you well enough to know when you’re bummed out.”
Wyatt had to think fast, “Well, Wednesday is my birthday and I miss my parents. It’s my first one without them.”
Wednesday was in fact Wyatt’s birthday, but in truth he really didn’t care one way or another. After age twelve his parents didn’t do much with birthdays so they didn’t really mean much.
Alex’s faced turned to a frown. She wrapped her arms around him, instantly flooding Wyatt with emotion. He loved having her arms wrapped around him and didn’t want her to let go.
“I’m so sorry Wyatt,” she comforted him. “Is there anything I can do?”
Wyatt didn’t allow himself to fantasize and instead just answered plainly, “No, I’ll be okay. I’ll get through it.”
“Do you want to meet me for dinner?” she offered.
“No, Dave and I are already planning on ordering pizza and hanging out with some guys on the hall,” he lied.
“Okay then,” she replied matter of factly. You let me know if there is anything you need. “Oh, and if I don’t tell you on Wednesday, happy birthday.”
With that Alex turned and walked away, leaving Wyatt to just stand outside in the cold, utterly frustrated with how his emotions were pulling him apart.
“I don’t know why you don’t just tell her how you feel,” Dave counseled Wyatt as they both sat in their room munching on pizza and watching the basketball game on television.
“Geez Dave, you sound like a woman,” Wyatt chided, throwing a pizza crust at his roommate.
The two of them had become good friends and Wyatt didn’t have a problem opening up to him. He had shared his feelings about Alex as well as all the mess at home, including the progression of the Lindsey issue. Dave, when he took the time to shut up was an amazingly good listener. He didn’t offer advice unless first asked and he admitted when he had no idea what to do. Alex had become a constant point of discussion between the two.
Dave picked up the thrown crust and immediately took a bite out of it, offering a Cheshire-like smile.
“You are one sick SOB Dave,” Wyatt signed, shaking his head.
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” the other man replied, shoving the rest of the crust in his mouth.
Wyatt propped his feet up on a milk crate and took another piece of pizza from the box. Just then someone knocked on the door.
“What do you want!?!” Dave yelled; his traditional greeting to the few visitors the two had.
“Do you have to do that,” Wyatt laughed, getting up and going to the door.
He was surprised when he opened it and found Alex standing there, her left hand hidden inside her long winter coat.
“Oh, hi,” Wyatt stuttered, surprised by her appearance at his door. She had never been to his room and he never really expected her to see it. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, I felt bad for you because of your first birthday and all,” she looked down, not really knowing how to address the issue. “Well I felt bad considering your parents not being here to celebrate and all so I bought you a present.”
“Is that the stripper I hired for your birthday, Wy?” Dave shouted from behind him.
Alex laughed, “That must be Dave.”
Wyatt opened the door and stepped aside so she to come in, “Alex, this is my roommate Dave, Dave, this is Alex.”
“Nope, that’s not the stripper, but she’ll do,” Dave said, pulling himself up out of his chair.
Wyatt shot Dave a look that told him that he was crossing the line.
“I’m sorry. Hello Alex, it’s nice to meet you.”
Wyatt allowed himself to relax, “It’s good to see you, I really didn’t expect you to come over.”
“Well, I didn’t either, but I really felt bad for you so I brought you a present,” she pulled her hand out of her coat and revealed a tall bottle wrapped in a brown paper bag. “I thought first I would contribute to the delinquency of a minor.
She pulled the paper bag off the bottle to reveal a bottle of champagne, “Do you have glasses?”
Wyatt retrieved a stack of Styrofoam coffee cups from the top of Dave’s refrigerator, “This is all we got, I hope they will do.”
“I really like this girl Wyatt. You should have invited her over earlier,” Dave contributed as he once again settled into his chair.
Wyatt flopped down on the floor, allowing Alex to have the seat he had vacated when she arrived. He watched her as her boney fingers pulled the foil off of the cork. They were long and delicate, the nails painted a subtle pink color. He allowed himself to be mesmerized by her movements.
Once she got the foil off she handed the bottle to Wyatt, “You have the honors of popping the cork, Birthday Boy.”
The bottle was one of those less expensive champagnes and had a plastic stopper which took a little wiggling to remove, but didn’t require a bottle opener. Wyatt struggle momentarily before he felt the cork give way. He held on to the cap as he heard the tell-tale pop as it was removed wholly from its nesting place in the bottle.
“Sorry it’s not chilled. I picked it up on my way over,” she admitted as she pulled three cups from the stack, setting them out on the same milk crate Wyatt had used as a foot stool earlier.
He poured each glass, bringing them as close to the top as he could without allowing a prolific amount of foam to spill over. Each took a cup but before they could drink, Dave offered up a toast.
“To the best person who has ever kicked my ass. Oh, and to a pretty decent roomie too,” he said as he lifted his glass.
The other two touched their cups to his and drank deeply, enjoying the bubbly sensation of the champagne. It was the first Wyatt had ever had and he was immediately smitten with its sweet taste and soda-pop fizz.
“Oh, my turn,” Alex blurted after topping off everyone’s glass from the bottle.
She thought for a moment before raising her glass and speaking, “I propose a toast to overdue library books, cold November evenings, and freshmen with the guts to hit on upperclassmen.”
Again they repeated the glass tipping ritual, Wyatt giving a smile to Alex and she returned the same.
“Really Wyatt, I’m glad I met you. You are a good friend and I’m going to miss you after I graduate. Oh, that reminds me, I got you a present.”
Dave raised his eyebrows at mention of a gift and Wyatt shot him a look that said, “Don’t you dare say whatever is running through that perverted head of yours.”
Alex didn’t notice the exchange as she began looking through her handbag. She found what she was looking for and pulled out a small package. It was wrapped in rich blue paper with a fluorescent pink ribbon. She handed to Wyatt and explained, “It’s not much but I wanted to get you something.”
Wyatt wasn’t accustomed to receiving gifts and took it, staring at the ribbon and the paper. He was stalled, wondering what it was.
“Well open it dummy,” she told him, leaning forward to watch him.
Wyatt took his time, first removing the ribbon without damaging it. Find the tape that held the paper to itself, he pulled it apart and extracted the gift.
“What is it,” he asked, not sure what the small electronic device was that he now held in his hand.
“Push the button on the side,” she instructed him.
He did as he was told, and a picture of Alex sitting at her desk in her down room appeared on the screen. After about five seconds the image changed to another shot of her, this time posing for the camera, her smile shining.
Wyatt spent a few minute looking as the image continued to change.
“It’s a digital picture frame that you can carry in your pocket,” she explained. “I saw it at the drug store and thought it was pretty cool. I didn’t know if you’d like it or not. You don’t have to keep those pictures of me on there; I just thought it would be better to give it to you with something on it.”
“No,” Wyatt interrupted, “I really like it. And I like the pictures too. Thank you. You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know I didn’t, but I wanted to. You’re a good friend and I like spending time with you,” she said, her voice serious.
Wyatt didn’t know how to reply. This was an odd position he was in. Luckily, Dave broke the tension when he suddenly blurted out, “Oh shit, I forgot my report for my finance class tomorrow. I’ve got to get over to the computer lab before it closes so I can run it off.”
He grabbed his coat, slipped on a pair of sneakers without bothering to unlace them and made his way to the door. “It was nice meeting you Alex, thanks for the champagne.”
“Oh, you’re welcome. Sorry for interrupting you and Wyatt’s little party.”
He waved her off as he went out the door, “Not a problem”. He then left, closing the door behind him, leaving Alex and Wyatt alone.
Even though the television was still on, there was a dead stillness to the air in the room. It was a tension built on indecision. This was an opportunity for Wyatt to stress his feelings about Alex, but fear was also prevalent. He didn’t want to scare her off. He decided to play it safe.
“Thanks again for the gift, it means a lot. I certainly wasn’t expecting it,” he stated plainly enough, looking again as the scrolling pictures.
“Wyatt, I meant what I said. You are a real good friend and I do like spending time with you,” she said as she got out of the chair and sat down on the floor beside him. She took his hand. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but I like being your friend and I don’t want to ruin it by letting it become something more serious. I hope you understand because your friendship is super important to me.”
Wyatt was screaming inside, “Why don’t you feel the same way about me that I feel about you! I don’t care! Why can’t we have something more!?!”
Instead, he just said meekly, “It’s ok Alex. I understand. I don’t want anything more than our friendship either. It is important to me too that we stay friends.”
She didn’t seem to notice his deceit, “I’m glad Wyatt. You are such a sweet guy.” She then leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek. For an instance before her lips touched his cheek he could feel her warm breath on his face and became awash with a sense of euphoria. For a moment he allowed his eyes to close and soaked up her energy. As the kiss ended, he felt a deep depression overcome him. As she pulled away he forced a smile.
“Well, I’ve got to get back to my dorm. I’ve got a bunch of reading to do,” she said as they both stood up. “I’m glad I got to share a bit of your birthday with you.”
“Yeah, I’m glad you stopped by. Thanks for the champagne and the gift,” he replied uncomfortably, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. “Oh, you want me to walk you back to your dorm?”
“Oh no, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind the walk,” she replied, pulling her coat back on.
“You sure?” he asked, “Let me at least walk you down to the door.”
She nodded and the two made their way down the hallway to the bank of elevators.
“I’m looking forwards to our trip to DC next week,” she stated, a bit of excitement in her voice.
“Yeah, I am too. I still need to go out and pick of stuff for the trip. I’ll probably do that Friday night,” he revealed.
“Oh! I’ve got to do that too. You mind if I go with you?”
Considering the feelings racing through his mind, he would have rather said “yes, he did mind” but he couldn’t force himself to deny her, nor deny an opportunity to be around her.
“Sure, you can come, maybe we could grab something to eat while we’re out.”
“That sounds like fun. What time, six?” she asked.
“Yeah, that sounds okay with me. We can talk about it more in class on Friday.” He answered as they reached the front door.
She turned to face him, “that will work. Happy birthday Wyatt. I’m glad you didn’t have to spend it alone this year.”
As she spoke he looked into her eyes and saw a flicker of something there. It was as if she was holding back, not revealing everything to him. He refused to believe it and shook the feeling off.
“Thanks Alex, I enjoyed spending time with you. This was a good birthday,” he replied.
She wrapped her arms around him and stood there hugging him, rocking her body back and forth slightly. He wanted to say something but didn’t.
When they finally separated she looked at him again and that same look was there. He wanted to take her face in his hands and kiss her, but he didn’t. Instead he just smiled and said, “Be careful walking home. I’ll see you later.”
“Yup. Have a nice night,” was her only reply as she turned and left. She looked back once to see if he was still standing there, watching her, but he was gone.
March 25th -Dear Starlog
Alex just left and I can’t help but feel that she wanted me to kiss her when I walked her out. This is so confusing. I know we would be perfect together, so I don’t know why she won’t just let go. I know she’s graduating, but Rockford isn’t all that far. I think we could make it work. Besides, she could easily find a job here in the city. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just desperate.
Well, I’ve got to take what I can get. Right now it just means being friends and being happy with that.
What the hell am I saying? She has been clear that she doesn’t want anything more than a friendship. I’m acting like a stupid little freshman. I have two more months of class then the summer will be here. I should make the best of what time I have left here because going back to live with my aunt and uncle is going to be completely depressing. I think I’ll just find a job to keep me occupied all summer. That way I don’t have to be around much.
I am looking forward to going to Washington on Sunday. It has been at least eight years since mom and dad took me there on our summer vacation. It was fairly interesting then, but of course that was before I really had an interest in history. There are a few places I would love to go, namely the National Archives and the Smithsonian. The monuments are cool, but once you’ve seen them once they aren’t that big a deal. Of course, if Alex wants to go see them I’ll take her, but it doesn’t much matter to me.
I suppose I should get some sleep. I’ve got to get up early tomorrow to get some stuff at the library. I don’t know why I’m even going to try though. I know that, like most nights, I’ll lay awake thinking about her. I always do.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
I am a Novelist!
At 9:57pm on Saturday, November 2008 I was officially recognized as a novelist. After twenty nine days of writing I finally completed my 50,000 words necessary to win Nanowrimo. I can't really describe the feeling of accomplishment I am experiencing. I loved writing this book and it feels so good to know that I accomplished something I've always wanted to do. I'm not going to spend a whole lot of time gloating about this, but I will tell you that I couldn't have been happier with the way my book turned out. Granted there is a lot of editing that needs to be done, but I'm up for it. The end of the book, which I was most worried about actually turned out way better than a I thought. I will be posting subsequent chapters as I go along so you will see. Right now I'm just happy I was able to accomplish my goal of writing a novel.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Writer meets Wall (Wyatt Klinker Part 8)
Okay, the next installment is here as well and my last update before I end this whole thing. I'm not too terribly happy. There is a reason for this. I am in crunch time and I want to get this thing done. Basically I am allowing myself to cut corners in order to reach 50,000 words rather than writing a good story. Now, I figured i would run into this seeing as 50,000 words is a freaking massive undertaking, especially over the span of one month. I do think I'm going to make it, though I am sorry to say that the quality of my story is going to suffer.
I suppose that is the risk you take when you start penning a novel with absolutely no direction or forethought. I've currently trudged through more that 41,500 words with no clear direction. I had little train stations of thought that I knew I would stop at, but really now clear track laid out that would get me there. The result is an up and down, round and round trip that is occasionally all over the place yet rarely takes you anywhere. I'm cool with this, and I hope all of you will be. I have one goal here: put 50,000 words down on multiple pieces of paper in some orderly fashion so as to tell a story. Frankly, quality really doesn't matter. These last few chapters I've been are the best indication of this. I really think the last couple of pages are a pile of dung, but, they are words, and have taken me from 35,000 to 41,000. So, I'm happy with that. I did however want to warn you that this had occurred. My story has left the tracks and all I'm doing is shoveling coal in the furnace in hopes that the engine keeps chugging forward, with the thought that eventually I will see the station through the fog.
Okay. Another thing. Predictions I've made in past posts are WAAAAAYYYYY off. I told you there is a story arc I was looking forward to getting to around chapter 12? Nope, I'm halfway through chapter 15 and that arc is nowhere in sight. I actually had three or four other arcs I was planning to pursue, but I realize now that they will take me far beyond 50,000 words, even past 100,000 words if I tried to pen them.
I'm not in love with this story. Matter of fact, I'm far from it. I don't particularly care for it at all. However, it is the horse I've hitched my wagon to, and it is getting me there, so I continue. Once I hit that elusive 50,000 word mark I will wrap up this story rather quickly. You can count on that. I'm ready to be done.
Now, that doesn't mean I'm done writing. If anything, this quest has proven that I can, if I chose to, construct a novel. To give you perspective, the first Harry Potter book is made up of 70,000 words. I realize now that a work like that is very attainable. I plan on starting an outline and begin writing a novel I can be proud of, one I might actually pursue furthering (i.e. publishing). The Enviable Life of Wyatt Klinker has done one thing for me; it's proven to myself that if I set my mind to it, I can actually write a novel. And for that, I will always be proud of it.
Okay, that's it for now. Here's the next chapter for those of you who are still reading...
CHAPTER 9: REVOLUTION
The beginning of spring semester was a blessing and Wyatt allowed himself to take it all in. He had arrived back on campus at the earliest possible time, on the earliest possible date. In fact, he had gotten up and left early, spending a better part of the morning hanging out in a coffee shop just off campus. It was cold and breezy, a typical Chicago winter’s day when he strolled the four blocks to his dorm, a feeling of resurgence and rebirth.
Wyatt had never considered himself college material. A year ago he hadn’t been sure what he would be doing. The thought of joining the military had crossed his mind, but the fear of the current political situation and deterred him from carrying out that plan. Now, as he strode across sidewalk in the front of his dorm, he realized that this place, this college, was where he belonged, at least he did at this moment.
The first day back was simple and relaxing. Wyatt propped the door open and welcomed back his hall-mates as they returned from their homes, lugging bags and boxes. He lounged about, watching television, reading or even cat-napping; all the while immersing himself in the solitude that only came when one was finally home.
Dave showed up around six-thirty, his cherubic face lighting up when he saw Wyatt.
“How ya doing, Wy?” he exclaimed as he gave Wyatt a huge bear hug.
The two spent the next couple of hours eating junk food from a care package Dave’s mother had packed and talking about their respective breaks. Dave showed off some of the new toys and gadgets he had gotten for Christmas while Wyatt simply listened. For once he was happy Dave was so self-centered, that way he didn’t have to explain that the only gift he had had to open on Christmas day was an envelope with a gift card to a local department store. At this time, when Wyatt was so happy to be where he was, he didn’t need anyone telling him how tragic his situation at home was.
Wyatt wrestled with himself as to whether he should tell Dave about Lindsey, and what had happened over break. Instead he just told him that she had given him the cold shoulder and ignored him. Dave, in a moment of personal restraint didn’t push, and the subject was dropped.
It was with great satisfaction that Wyatt climbed into bed that night, soaking in the comfort of the bed he had slept in the last four months. He was back where he wanted to be and after three weeks of trepidation and intense stress, he allowed himself to feel as if the future was looking pretty bright.
Wyatt awoke the next morning knowing that with this semester he was attempting to push himself to his academic capacity. The previous semester had been a good one. He had pulled good grades in all four of his classes and managed to make the Dean’s list. He hadn’t shared with anyone, but allowed it to a personal triumph he could recall when he questioned his current scholastic path. With his success the first semester Wyatt had convinced himself that he was capable and qualified to challenge the world of academia, to find his place and grasp the successes that it offered.
He had decided that he was going to take a brutal semester, and loaded up on classes. On top of the basic requirements, he figured that in order to accomplish his goal of passing all the classes he was going to have to pick ones that he really enjoyed; otherwise the schoolwork would be overwhelming.
Since he had first registered Wyatt had been reading up on the course catalogs and was captivated by one class in particular. While history wasn’t his strong point, Wyatt, due to his New England roots, had a profound interest in the Revolutionary War. He remembered walking the Freedom Trail, a simple painted red line on the sidewalks of Boston which would take those who chose to follow it past a variety of historical markers: Ben Franklin’s home, the sight of the Boston Massacre, even right to the pier where the U.S.S. Constitution was moored. Needless to say, when given the opportunity to sign up for HIS322, The History of Revolutionary America, Wyatt jumped right on it.
It was his first class, Monday at nine o’clock, and he was excited to get there. He left his dorm with plenty of time to spare, even skipping breakfast so as to not be late. He was the first one to arrive, a full twenty minutes before class. He found what he considered a choice seat amongst the horseshoe-like arrangement of chairs. He was dead center in the class, his back to the doorway, his view unobstructed to the podium and video screen centered in the room.
Wyatt leafed through his text book as students started arriving. Those who knew each other formed clusters, sitting beside each other, striking up conversations about their respective trips home. Those who were strangers to their classmates almost universally kept at least one empty seat between themselves and the people around them. Wyatt failed to notice one particular person walk in; head up along the row of chairs to the flanking edges of the horseshoe before reversing her course and returning to pull out the chair directly to Wyatt’s left.
He glanced up and immediately recognized Alex, the girl he had met at the library two months earlier. She was wrapped in a warm wool coat, a deep red scarf knotted around her neck. A matching beret like hat went well with her red locks. Immediately Wyatt’s heart started to pound.
“Well hey there,” she said as she pulled her cap off, leaving her hair a bit disheveled.
“Oh, hi, what are you doing here?” he asked before thinking.
She laughed, “Well I thought I would pass my free time listening to a professor talk about the Revolutionary War.”
“No, I mean why this class?” Wyatt recovered, realizing how stupid his first question sounded.
“Well, I’ve got everything I need to graduate but had to pick up an elective. I’ve had Dr. Swanson before and he was a great professor so I just decided to take this one. What about you?”
Wyatt thought for a second, “I’m from Boston and I’ve always liked the Revolutionary period, so here I am.”
“Well, I hope you don’t mind me sitting next to you, I’ll try not to bug you too much. Just make sure you study because if I cheat of you and your answers are wrong, I’m going to be pissed,” she stated seriously before letting a grin breakout across he face.
Wyatt smiled back. This semester was really starting out on the right foot.
Three weeks into classes and Wyatt was in love with his history class. While the others on his schedule seemed like a bore, his first class of the week was like cold splash of water on his face. It invigorated and made him excited to start the week. He was wholly committed to doing as well in that class as any he had ever taken, including high school. He wasn’t sure if it was the subject matter, the excitement and vigor of the professor, or if it was Alex.
She wasn’t as excited about the subject matter and with graduation looming in short order, she really didn’t put as much emphasis on studying as Wyatt did. She would whisper to him in class (completely destroying Wyatt’s concentration) or scribble out a note on a blank notebook to pass to him. Sometimes they were questions about what Dr. Swanson had just said, other times it was just stupid stuff, like questions about what he did over the weekend, or just dumb little comments. As much as he loved his class, he cherished everything she wrote.
One Wednesday, as they were discussing Henry Knox and the guns of Ticonderoga, Alex grabbed his notebook and scribbled out a note, “I’m starving. I crashed early last night and didn’t eat dinner.”
Wyatt glanced at the note, jotted in pink jell pen, and wrote back, “Why didn’t you eat?”
“I was reading for my international policy class and got tired,” she replied.
He jotted down a reply, noticing that his script was sloppy yet legible, while hers flowed smoothly, “yeah, I get tired sometimes and fall asleep studying. I hate when I do that.”
“I can’t believe you can’t hear my stomach rumbling,” she noted.
“No I can’t hear it, of course Dr. Swanson talks pretty loud,” he wrote, trying to appear to be concentrating on what was being said.
She grabbed the notebook away from him and set to writing furiously. Wyatt didn’t know what she was scribbling, but figured it must be important when she emphatically underlined everything three times.
She passed the notebook back to him, “HEY DUMMY, ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME TO GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS NOTEBOOK FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND???”
Alex did this to him. He had always considered himself someone who listened, who sat and watched people, learning what they were about, figuring them out then reacting to them so as to maintain control of himself. Alex messed all that up. It seemed that he lost his ability to reason, to form a complete thought. Yet, while in the past he was very uncomfortable with losing control, he found himself enjoying this more than anything. He just wished he didn’t look so stupid doing it.
He took the notebook and started writing, “Sorry, I guess you make me stupid. Would you like to get something to eat after class?”
Reading his note, she looked at him, “You can’t blame me for your stupidity,” she whispered.
Her smile melted him as she pushed his notebook back to him and turned her attention to the professor.
Typically his history class went by in a flurry, but today it drug on like a trip to the dentist’s office. It was nearly unbearable and once Wyatt even considering scribbling out, “Do you want to leave now?” just to get away earlier than ten o’clock.
Instead, he gritted it out and eventually the minute hand reached the apex of the clock. Alex had been strangely silent during class, and Wyatt wondered what she had been thinking. He was all smiles as they got up to leave.
“Where do you want to go? You want to stay on campus or do you want something from the city?” he asked as they pushed through the crowd in the hallway.
“Let’s just stay on campus, I’ve got a class in an hour and I don’t feel like rushing back,” she replied matter of factly, making her way to the exit.
As they walked she asked him questions about the lecture Dr. Swanson had given in their class. While Wyatt was quick to answer, he wanted to discuss something else. He wanted to discuss her.
What he knew about Alex was somewhat limited. He knew that her full name was Alexandra Phillips, and that she was from Rockville, a town up by the Wisconsin border. She was a senior majoring in International Relations. From the scribbles on his notebook (gathered in previous classes) he knew that she was the youngest of three children and the only girl. He also knew that she was currently single after being in a three year relationship. Wyatt hadn’t prodded her as to why they had split up, but relished the fact that they had.
“What are you hungry for?” Wyatt changed the subject.
“I don’t know, I just figured we would get in before they stopped serving breakfast. Pancakes sound good to me. What about you,” she asked.
In truth Wyatt wasn’t hungry at all. As was normal, he had gotten up and eaten breakfast prior to class, but he wasn’t willing to pass up an opportunity to hang out with Alex, “I don’t know. Pancakes do sound kinda good.”
There was no line at the cafeteria and they zipped right through, each gathering up a tray full of food and finding a seat by a large brick fireplace along the southern wall. The fire danced across the fake logs, and the heat felt wonderful after the walk from the history building. Alex took off he leather gloves and set them on the table then shed her coat. Wyatt did the same, ramming his cheap jersey gloves into the pockets of his jacket before taking it off and hanging it on the back of his chair.
“I am famished,” she said as she went to work on her tray of food.
Wyatt sat and watched, sipping on a glass of orange juice as she wolfed down a pancake.
After a few minutes she glanced up at hit and stopped in shock, “Oh my god, I must look like a complete pig.”
“No, you look fine. I’m just going to make sure I don’t get my hands anywhere near your mouth,” he joked, laughing at the subsequent face she made at him.
“You’ll have to forgive me, I’m just so hungry,” she made a visible attempt to slow down, one that Wyatt picked up on immediately.
“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ve seen worse.”
She forced herself to put her fork down and take a long drink from her coffee. Wyatt wanted to ask her a hundred questions, but wasn’t sure what to say first. He wanted to know everything he could about her but he didn’t want to seem too forward. He was surprised when she broke the ice.
“So, why did you choose UIC?” she asked using the acronym for the University of Illinois Chicago.
“Well,” he started, trying to figure out the best way to say it, “my choices were a little bit limited.”
He went on to explain how he had intended on going to a community college out in Boston, but had been forced to find something in Chicago after the death of his parents.
Before he could continue to explain she interrupted him, “Your parents both passed away, oh I’m so sorry Wyatt.”
He could see real grief in her eyes when she said it and while the thoughts of his parents were still a tad painful, he felt good knowing that she really meant what she was saying.
“Yeah, they were on vacation in Europe and died in a bus accident. After that I came here to Chicago to live with my Uncle and his wife.”
“That’s terrible,” she replied, then quickly added, “oh I don’t mean living with your aunt and uncle. I mean you losing your parents.”
“I know what you meant,” he replied, “and yeah, living with them is actually fairly terrible.”
She looked at him quizzically, “What do you mean it’s terrible?”
Wyatt knew he had opened a can of worms and immediately thought of Lindsey. Instead of delving into the truth he just told her that he didn’t get along with my family very well and didn’t care for living with them.
Alex allowed the subject to drop. It was as if her line of questioning had ended and she couldn’t think of anything else to say. Instead she picked up her fork and started eating again.
“Tell me about your family,” he picked up the conversation, attempting to get her talking again.
She gave him a tentative look.
“Don’t worry Alex; I’m cool with talking about your family. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. I want to hear about them,” he assured her.
Allowing herself to relax they spent the next hour sitting around drinking coffee, chatting about their lives, school and anything else. When it was time, Wyatt walked with her to her next class, continuing their conversation from breakfast. Before walking in, he asked her if she was interested in grabbing dinner later that night and after a brief pause, she agreed.
As Wyatt turned and walked away he couldn’t help but think about how happy he felt at that exact moment. In truth he couldn’t remember a time that he had been happier.
February 27th - Dear Starlog
Alex had been a little bit cold with me all week. It was really worrying me because I didn’t really understand why. Finally she told me that she was worried that she had given me a false impression. She told me that she isn’t interested in me as anything more than a friend and that she got the impression that I wanted more. I told her she was wrong and that seemed to make her happy. If only she knew.
I am so incredibly infatuated with her. I can’t tell you why. I guess it is just everything. She really isn’t the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (dare I say that Lindsey is prettier than her) but there is something about her. She is an incredible person. I know she is super smart and makes me feel like an idiot sometimes but in truth I’m completely comfortable with that. I guess that I’ve never really felt that comfortable around anyone in my life. Sure, Steve and I are good friends, but with him it was difficult to carry on a sustained conversation. What’s more, he was difficult to be around in public even though I eventually stopped worrying about it. Still, when he and I hung out people still stared at him, at us. With Alex we are just a normal couple.
That’s probably the hardest thing to come to grips with. I like being with Alex because I like people thinking that we are a couple. Sure, it turns out that I was just dreaming about it, but I liked to think of us as two people that were joined, that were recognized as being a pair. Now we are just two people who happen to spend time with one another. Maybe I’m just being stupid, but our relationship now feels a lot more minimalistic.
Now my time with her seems strained, as if I am not good enough for her. I know that is wrong, and I’m placing an undo character flaw upon her. She has her reasons for not wanting a relationship and I need to respect that. But damnit, it is so hard. She is everything I ever wanted in a girl. I wish she felt about me the same way I feel about her. It sucks to think I trapped where I am. I wish I could erase all the feelings that I have, that I could just think of her as a friend, but I can’t. I need her to be more to me. I need her to feel about me the same way I feel about her.
I don’t know what to do. Actually, I do know what to do, but don’t want to do it. I need to let things cool down. I need to give her space. I need to adjust to life without her because up to this point I’ve allowed myself to think only the best of futures for me and with this discussion with Alex, I know that it just isn’t going to happen.
I feel completely sick to my stomach.
I suppose that is the risk you take when you start penning a novel with absolutely no direction or forethought. I've currently trudged through more that 41,500 words with no clear direction. I had little train stations of thought that I knew I would stop at, but really now clear track laid out that would get me there. The result is an up and down, round and round trip that is occasionally all over the place yet rarely takes you anywhere. I'm cool with this, and I hope all of you will be. I have one goal here: put 50,000 words down on multiple pieces of paper in some orderly fashion so as to tell a story. Frankly, quality really doesn't matter. These last few chapters I've been are the best indication of this. I really think the last couple of pages are a pile of dung, but, they are words, and have taken me from 35,000 to 41,000. So, I'm happy with that. I did however want to warn you that this had occurred. My story has left the tracks and all I'm doing is shoveling coal in the furnace in hopes that the engine keeps chugging forward, with the thought that eventually I will see the station through the fog.
Okay. Another thing. Predictions I've made in past posts are WAAAAAYYYYY off. I told you there is a story arc I was looking forward to getting to around chapter 12? Nope, I'm halfway through chapter 15 and that arc is nowhere in sight. I actually had three or four other arcs I was planning to pursue, but I realize now that they will take me far beyond 50,000 words, even past 100,000 words if I tried to pen them.
I'm not in love with this story. Matter of fact, I'm far from it. I don't particularly care for it at all. However, it is the horse I've hitched my wagon to, and it is getting me there, so I continue. Once I hit that elusive 50,000 word mark I will wrap up this story rather quickly. You can count on that. I'm ready to be done.
Now, that doesn't mean I'm done writing. If anything, this quest has proven that I can, if I chose to, construct a novel. To give you perspective, the first Harry Potter book is made up of 70,000 words. I realize now that a work like that is very attainable. I plan on starting an outline and begin writing a novel I can be proud of, one I might actually pursue furthering (i.e. publishing). The Enviable Life of Wyatt Klinker has done one thing for me; it's proven to myself that if I set my mind to it, I can actually write a novel. And for that, I will always be proud of it.
Okay, that's it for now. Here's the next chapter for those of you who are still reading...
CHAPTER 9: REVOLUTION
The beginning of spring semester was a blessing and Wyatt allowed himself to take it all in. He had arrived back on campus at the earliest possible time, on the earliest possible date. In fact, he had gotten up and left early, spending a better part of the morning hanging out in a coffee shop just off campus. It was cold and breezy, a typical Chicago winter’s day when he strolled the four blocks to his dorm, a feeling of resurgence and rebirth.
Wyatt had never considered himself college material. A year ago he hadn’t been sure what he would be doing. The thought of joining the military had crossed his mind, but the fear of the current political situation and deterred him from carrying out that plan. Now, as he strode across sidewalk in the front of his dorm, he realized that this place, this college, was where he belonged, at least he did at this moment.
The first day back was simple and relaxing. Wyatt propped the door open and welcomed back his hall-mates as they returned from their homes, lugging bags and boxes. He lounged about, watching television, reading or even cat-napping; all the while immersing himself in the solitude that only came when one was finally home.
Dave showed up around six-thirty, his cherubic face lighting up when he saw Wyatt.
“How ya doing, Wy?” he exclaimed as he gave Wyatt a huge bear hug.
The two spent the next couple of hours eating junk food from a care package Dave’s mother had packed and talking about their respective breaks. Dave showed off some of the new toys and gadgets he had gotten for Christmas while Wyatt simply listened. For once he was happy Dave was so self-centered, that way he didn’t have to explain that the only gift he had had to open on Christmas day was an envelope with a gift card to a local department store. At this time, when Wyatt was so happy to be where he was, he didn’t need anyone telling him how tragic his situation at home was.
Wyatt wrestled with himself as to whether he should tell Dave about Lindsey, and what had happened over break. Instead he just told him that she had given him the cold shoulder and ignored him. Dave, in a moment of personal restraint didn’t push, and the subject was dropped.
It was with great satisfaction that Wyatt climbed into bed that night, soaking in the comfort of the bed he had slept in the last four months. He was back where he wanted to be and after three weeks of trepidation and intense stress, he allowed himself to feel as if the future was looking pretty bright.
Wyatt awoke the next morning knowing that with this semester he was attempting to push himself to his academic capacity. The previous semester had been a good one. He had pulled good grades in all four of his classes and managed to make the Dean’s list. He hadn’t shared with anyone, but allowed it to a personal triumph he could recall when he questioned his current scholastic path. With his success the first semester Wyatt had convinced himself that he was capable and qualified to challenge the world of academia, to find his place and grasp the successes that it offered.
He had decided that he was going to take a brutal semester, and loaded up on classes. On top of the basic requirements, he figured that in order to accomplish his goal of passing all the classes he was going to have to pick ones that he really enjoyed; otherwise the schoolwork would be overwhelming.
Since he had first registered Wyatt had been reading up on the course catalogs and was captivated by one class in particular. While history wasn’t his strong point, Wyatt, due to his New England roots, had a profound interest in the Revolutionary War. He remembered walking the Freedom Trail, a simple painted red line on the sidewalks of Boston which would take those who chose to follow it past a variety of historical markers: Ben Franklin’s home, the sight of the Boston Massacre, even right to the pier where the U.S.S. Constitution was moored. Needless to say, when given the opportunity to sign up for HIS322, The History of Revolutionary America, Wyatt jumped right on it.
It was his first class, Monday at nine o’clock, and he was excited to get there. He left his dorm with plenty of time to spare, even skipping breakfast so as to not be late. He was the first one to arrive, a full twenty minutes before class. He found what he considered a choice seat amongst the horseshoe-like arrangement of chairs. He was dead center in the class, his back to the doorway, his view unobstructed to the podium and video screen centered in the room.
Wyatt leafed through his text book as students started arriving. Those who knew each other formed clusters, sitting beside each other, striking up conversations about their respective trips home. Those who were strangers to their classmates almost universally kept at least one empty seat between themselves and the people around them. Wyatt failed to notice one particular person walk in; head up along the row of chairs to the flanking edges of the horseshoe before reversing her course and returning to pull out the chair directly to Wyatt’s left.
He glanced up and immediately recognized Alex, the girl he had met at the library two months earlier. She was wrapped in a warm wool coat, a deep red scarf knotted around her neck. A matching beret like hat went well with her red locks. Immediately Wyatt’s heart started to pound.
“Well hey there,” she said as she pulled her cap off, leaving her hair a bit disheveled.
“Oh, hi, what are you doing here?” he asked before thinking.
She laughed, “Well I thought I would pass my free time listening to a professor talk about the Revolutionary War.”
“No, I mean why this class?” Wyatt recovered, realizing how stupid his first question sounded.
“Well, I’ve got everything I need to graduate but had to pick up an elective. I’ve had Dr. Swanson before and he was a great professor so I just decided to take this one. What about you?”
Wyatt thought for a second, “I’m from Boston and I’ve always liked the Revolutionary period, so here I am.”
“Well, I hope you don’t mind me sitting next to you, I’ll try not to bug you too much. Just make sure you study because if I cheat of you and your answers are wrong, I’m going to be pissed,” she stated seriously before letting a grin breakout across he face.
Wyatt smiled back. This semester was really starting out on the right foot.
Three weeks into classes and Wyatt was in love with his history class. While the others on his schedule seemed like a bore, his first class of the week was like cold splash of water on his face. It invigorated and made him excited to start the week. He was wholly committed to doing as well in that class as any he had ever taken, including high school. He wasn’t sure if it was the subject matter, the excitement and vigor of the professor, or if it was Alex.
She wasn’t as excited about the subject matter and with graduation looming in short order, she really didn’t put as much emphasis on studying as Wyatt did. She would whisper to him in class (completely destroying Wyatt’s concentration) or scribble out a note on a blank notebook to pass to him. Sometimes they were questions about what Dr. Swanson had just said, other times it was just stupid stuff, like questions about what he did over the weekend, or just dumb little comments. As much as he loved his class, he cherished everything she wrote.
One Wednesday, as they were discussing Henry Knox and the guns of Ticonderoga, Alex grabbed his notebook and scribbled out a note, “I’m starving. I crashed early last night and didn’t eat dinner.”
Wyatt glanced at the note, jotted in pink jell pen, and wrote back, “Why didn’t you eat?”
“I was reading for my international policy class and got tired,” she replied.
He jotted down a reply, noticing that his script was sloppy yet legible, while hers flowed smoothly, “yeah, I get tired sometimes and fall asleep studying. I hate when I do that.”
“I can’t believe you can’t hear my stomach rumbling,” she noted.
“No I can’t hear it, of course Dr. Swanson talks pretty loud,” he wrote, trying to appear to be concentrating on what was being said.
She grabbed the notebook away from him and set to writing furiously. Wyatt didn’t know what she was scribbling, but figured it must be important when she emphatically underlined everything three times.
She passed the notebook back to him, “HEY DUMMY, ARE YOU GOING TO ASK ME TO GO GET SOMETHING TO EAT WITH YOU AFTER CLASS OR AM I GOING TO HAVE TO HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH THIS NOTEBOOK FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND???”
Alex did this to him. He had always considered himself someone who listened, who sat and watched people, learning what they were about, figuring them out then reacting to them so as to maintain control of himself. Alex messed all that up. It seemed that he lost his ability to reason, to form a complete thought. Yet, while in the past he was very uncomfortable with losing control, he found himself enjoying this more than anything. He just wished he didn’t look so stupid doing it.
He took the notebook and started writing, “Sorry, I guess you make me stupid. Would you like to get something to eat after class?”
Reading his note, she looked at him, “You can’t blame me for your stupidity,” she whispered.
Her smile melted him as she pushed his notebook back to him and turned her attention to the professor.
Typically his history class went by in a flurry, but today it drug on like a trip to the dentist’s office. It was nearly unbearable and once Wyatt even considering scribbling out, “Do you want to leave now?” just to get away earlier than ten o’clock.
Instead, he gritted it out and eventually the minute hand reached the apex of the clock. Alex had been strangely silent during class, and Wyatt wondered what she had been thinking. He was all smiles as they got up to leave.
“Where do you want to go? You want to stay on campus or do you want something from the city?” he asked as they pushed through the crowd in the hallway.
“Let’s just stay on campus, I’ve got a class in an hour and I don’t feel like rushing back,” she replied matter of factly, making her way to the exit.
As they walked she asked him questions about the lecture Dr. Swanson had given in their class. While Wyatt was quick to answer, he wanted to discuss something else. He wanted to discuss her.
What he knew about Alex was somewhat limited. He knew that her full name was Alexandra Phillips, and that she was from Rockville, a town up by the Wisconsin border. She was a senior majoring in International Relations. From the scribbles on his notebook (gathered in previous classes) he knew that she was the youngest of three children and the only girl. He also knew that she was currently single after being in a three year relationship. Wyatt hadn’t prodded her as to why they had split up, but relished the fact that they had.
“What are you hungry for?” Wyatt changed the subject.
“I don’t know, I just figured we would get in before they stopped serving breakfast. Pancakes sound good to me. What about you,” she asked.
In truth Wyatt wasn’t hungry at all. As was normal, he had gotten up and eaten breakfast prior to class, but he wasn’t willing to pass up an opportunity to hang out with Alex, “I don’t know. Pancakes do sound kinda good.”
There was no line at the cafeteria and they zipped right through, each gathering up a tray full of food and finding a seat by a large brick fireplace along the southern wall. The fire danced across the fake logs, and the heat felt wonderful after the walk from the history building. Alex took off he leather gloves and set them on the table then shed her coat. Wyatt did the same, ramming his cheap jersey gloves into the pockets of his jacket before taking it off and hanging it on the back of his chair.
“I am famished,” she said as she went to work on her tray of food.
Wyatt sat and watched, sipping on a glass of orange juice as she wolfed down a pancake.
After a few minutes she glanced up at hit and stopped in shock, “Oh my god, I must look like a complete pig.”
“No, you look fine. I’m just going to make sure I don’t get my hands anywhere near your mouth,” he joked, laughing at the subsequent face she made at him.
“You’ll have to forgive me, I’m just so hungry,” she made a visible attempt to slow down, one that Wyatt picked up on immediately.
“Oh, don’t worry about it, I’ve seen worse.”
She forced herself to put her fork down and take a long drink from her coffee. Wyatt wanted to ask her a hundred questions, but wasn’t sure what to say first. He wanted to know everything he could about her but he didn’t want to seem too forward. He was surprised when she broke the ice.
“So, why did you choose UIC?” she asked using the acronym for the University of Illinois Chicago.
“Well,” he started, trying to figure out the best way to say it, “my choices were a little bit limited.”
He went on to explain how he had intended on going to a community college out in Boston, but had been forced to find something in Chicago after the death of his parents.
Before he could continue to explain she interrupted him, “Your parents both passed away, oh I’m so sorry Wyatt.”
He could see real grief in her eyes when she said it and while the thoughts of his parents were still a tad painful, he felt good knowing that she really meant what she was saying.
“Yeah, they were on vacation in Europe and died in a bus accident. After that I came here to Chicago to live with my Uncle and his wife.”
“That’s terrible,” she replied, then quickly added, “oh I don’t mean living with your aunt and uncle. I mean you losing your parents.”
“I know what you meant,” he replied, “and yeah, living with them is actually fairly terrible.”
She looked at him quizzically, “What do you mean it’s terrible?”
Wyatt knew he had opened a can of worms and immediately thought of Lindsey. Instead of delving into the truth he just told her that he didn’t get along with my family very well and didn’t care for living with them.
Alex allowed the subject to drop. It was as if her line of questioning had ended and she couldn’t think of anything else to say. Instead she picked up her fork and started eating again.
“Tell me about your family,” he picked up the conversation, attempting to get her talking again.
She gave him a tentative look.
“Don’t worry Alex; I’m cool with talking about your family. You don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. I want to hear about them,” he assured her.
Allowing herself to relax they spent the next hour sitting around drinking coffee, chatting about their lives, school and anything else. When it was time, Wyatt walked with her to her next class, continuing their conversation from breakfast. Before walking in, he asked her if she was interested in grabbing dinner later that night and after a brief pause, she agreed.
As Wyatt turned and walked away he couldn’t help but think about how happy he felt at that exact moment. In truth he couldn’t remember a time that he had been happier.
February 27th - Dear Starlog
Alex had been a little bit cold with me all week. It was really worrying me because I didn’t really understand why. Finally she told me that she was worried that she had given me a false impression. She told me that she isn’t interested in me as anything more than a friend and that she got the impression that I wanted more. I told her she was wrong and that seemed to make her happy. If only she knew.
I am so incredibly infatuated with her. I can’t tell you why. I guess it is just everything. She really isn’t the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen (dare I say that Lindsey is prettier than her) but there is something about her. She is an incredible person. I know she is super smart and makes me feel like an idiot sometimes but in truth I’m completely comfortable with that. I guess that I’ve never really felt that comfortable around anyone in my life. Sure, Steve and I are good friends, but with him it was difficult to carry on a sustained conversation. What’s more, he was difficult to be around in public even though I eventually stopped worrying about it. Still, when he and I hung out people still stared at him, at us. With Alex we are just a normal couple.
That’s probably the hardest thing to come to grips with. I like being with Alex because I like people thinking that we are a couple. Sure, it turns out that I was just dreaming about it, but I liked to think of us as two people that were joined, that were recognized as being a pair. Now we are just two people who happen to spend time with one another. Maybe I’m just being stupid, but our relationship now feels a lot more minimalistic.
Now my time with her seems strained, as if I am not good enough for her. I know that is wrong, and I’m placing an undo character flaw upon her. She has her reasons for not wanting a relationship and I need to respect that. But damnit, it is so hard. She is everything I ever wanted in a girl. I wish she felt about me the same way I feel about her. It sucks to think I trapped where I am. I wish I could erase all the feelings that I have, that I could just think of her as a friend, but I can’t. I need her to be more to me. I need her to feel about me the same way I feel about her.
I don’t know what to do. Actually, I do know what to do, but don’t want to do it. I need to let things cool down. I need to give her space. I need to adjust to life without her because up to this point I’ve allowed myself to think only the best of futures for me and with this discussion with Alex, I know that it just isn’t going to happen.
I feel completely sick to my stomach.
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